Job Interview Behaviours: Some Odd Things Reported By HR

Most managers and supervisors (and HR people) have had experiences interviewing candidates for job openings. I'm sure each of you has, at one time or another, been baffled by interviewee behaviour, but we're betting you haven't faced some of the behaviours that we list below. Certainly head-scratchers, and amusing (at least to read about). Strange but true.

Based on a survey published via the Internet, here are some of the odd things reported by HR professionals.

1. "... said he was so well-qualified that if he didn't get the job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent."

2. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."

3. "... brought her large dog to the interview."

4. "... chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles."

5. "Candidate kept giggling through serious interview."

6. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."

7. "Balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."

8. "Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle."

9. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."

10. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office."

11. "Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out during the middle of the interview."

12. "Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as financial vice president."

13. "Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm."

14. "Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions."

15. "... wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police."

16. "When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office."

17. "... had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with him."

18. "... bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet."

19. "At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left."

20. "... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him."

21. "Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to insure that the offer I had made was formal."

22. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much."

23. "While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold."

24. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview."

25. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more." "I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer."

26. "An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus."

27. "His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume."

28. "He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the reception area. He didn't want it to get stolen, and stated that he would require indoor parking for the moped."

29. "He took off his right shoe and sock, removed a medicated foot powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the powder four times a day, and this was the time."

30. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one."

31. "He whistled when the interviewer was talking."

32. "... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security."

33. "... she threw-up on my desk, and immediately started asking questions about the job, like nothing had happened."

34. "Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk."

35. "... asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview."

20 Rules in Any Office

1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right.
2. If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.
3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.
4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.
5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.
8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it...
12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.
14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous" .
16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.
18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.
19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.
20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

Top 10: Embarrassing Jobs

No.10 - Actor

An incredibly small portion of this field actually works and earns money. The odds are laughable, and the self-love people need to even pursue acting is sad. When a person proclaims that they're an actor and others don’t recognize their face, they are looked at like a child stating he’s an astronaut.

Sole perk to the profession: There is no need to wake up early because the unemployment check doesn’t arrive in the mail until noon.

You should tell people you're a: Freelance dramatist.

No.9 - Garbage Man

As a child, riding on the back of a huge, smelly truck might have sounded like fun, but as adults it indicates a serious misstep in life. Often beginning in the very early morning, workers spend their days in clothes that smell like death and pick up the vomit-inducing waste of society.

Sole perk to the profession: Finding rare items that can be taken on Antiques Roadshow and pretending to be Emilio Estevez or Charlie Sheen in Men at Work.

You should tell people you're a: Sanitation engineer

No.8 - Porn Retail

A serious love of masturbation and a serious lack of human contact lead men to become clerks at adult shops. These guys work for minimum wage, sell porn to guys too dumb to download it from the internet, and help giggling bachelorette parties buy penis straws. Let’s not even get into to the clean-up responsibilities in stores with private booths.

Sole perk to the profession: Free pornography and a plethora of interesting stories about customers.

You should tell people you're an: Adult entertainment technical support personnel

No.7 - Street Performer

Why can’t outgoing personalities just let people look at the ground and listen to their iPods? A world where we don’t have to interact has been created for a reason. People don’t want to see magic tricks or hear Sarah McLachlan covers accosting them while they're just trying to get to work. That’s what YouTube is for while we’re at work.

Sole perk to the profession: Checking "entertainer" on tax returns and writing off acoustic guitar strings.

You should tell people you're an: Alfresco entertainer

No.6 - Carny

This job is a punch line in today’s society. Only vagrants, ex-hookers, drug addicts, and ex-cons work in ramshackle traveling carnivals. It allows them to move around without the accusing stares they get when staying still for too long. When your job description reads “teeth optional,” something seriously wrong has happened in life.

Sole perk to the profession: Living a “rock star” lifestyle without any kind of talent with endless drugs, dirty one-night stands with addicts, drinking on the job, and constantly waking up in a new town.

You should tell people you're a: Mobile entertainment specialist

No.5 - Meter Maid

Each day the guppies of the police force drive around (often in miniature cars) and piss off car owners by ticketing minor offenses like parking too close to a fire hydrant or going 30 seconds over the meter. One of the most hated professions in the world, British meter maids have been issued cotton swabs to take DNA samples when people spit on them for later prosecution.

Sole perk to the profession: Humming “Lovely Rita (Meter Maid)” while power-tripping across a parking lot. Also, sometimes they get to carry guns or at least pepper spray.

You should tell people you're: Anything else but a meter maid. Lie. A lot.

No.4 - Walking billboard

When a business cannot afford a real billboard, they hire a person to hold a sign. If an inanimate object can do a job more effectively and for longer, the person’s intellect really comes into question. These people are usually positioned on busy streets, forcing them to breathe constant car exhaust and dodge projectiles thrown by teenagers. Apocalypse freaks also work in this field pro bono by wearing sandwich boards with “The End is Near.”

Sole perk to the profession: It takes zero brainpower and Bret from The Flight of the Conchords worked this job on their TV series.

You should tell people you're an: Advertising technician

No.3 - Telemarketer

This is the next most hated profession after meter maid. People get a little excited when the phone rings. Anyone could be calling. There are infinite possibilities: a new job offer, the woman you met Saturday night or maybe a long lost friend. Instead, it’s a telemarketer trying to sell knives we don’t want.

Sole perk to the profession: Not having to deal with people face-to-face.

You should tell people you're a: Telecommunication service expert

No.2 - Fast food manager

This profession screams "arrested development." These people have obviously worked the same job since high school and now have a very low position of "power." They get to scream at teenagers who are in their first job and ex-cons who are in their first job out of prison. No matter how well-groomed these managers try to be, after an hour in the store they have a thin layer of grease covering their bodies.

Sole perk to the profession: Free burgers, getting todate barely legal girls and working in a job where it is completely appropriate to grow a pencil-thin mustache.

You should tell people you're in: Franchise management

No.1 - Dish washer

Being at the low end of food service is truly the lowest end. This is the first job many teenagers or illegal immigrants get. People who cannot control their acne or do not understand English are just as effective as an American adult. Anyone fluent in English and over 18 should only take this job if Gisele is the busgirl.

Sole perk to the profession: Free food -- if one considers half-eaten food edible.

You should tell people you're a: Crockery sanitation artisan

If you have one of these horrible jobs, you might want to check out AM's advice on How To Survive A Job You Hate, and if you're looking to avoid any other horrible employment opportunities make sure you stay away from these Top 10: Horrible Jobs.

Tips on writing a concise resume

Nothing impresses a potential employer more than how you can say what they want to hear in the shortest time possible, and in a very easy to understand manner too. Imagine having to go through tonnes of resumes and to shortlist a handful in the hope that they are as good as they say, it can be a total nightmare. Remember that reading through resumes is only part of the job on top of countless deadlines. So if you are able to impress the reader at first point of communication, you will most likely be high on the list to get a call for an interview. Provided, of course, that you fit the job. Read on to find out some tips on how you can write a concise resume.

There are many samples of resumes that you can find either from helpful friends or even from online searches. It’s easy enough to start that way, just having to fill out whatever information from those sample resumes. However, it is also not such a bad thing to start writing your resume from scratch. It enables you to write it in the exact format that you want, and to only provide information that will truly be useful to your potential employers.

Let’s go through some categories of information that normally make up a resume.

Personal Details

In this category, you normally would provide your name in full, age, nationality, contact details, etc. All’s fine and necessary. But what I wish to highlight here are more of the “don’t do”. Here are some stuff that you should exclude and I’ll tell you why along the way.

Date of birth – If you have already provided your age, I don’t think it’s necessary to inform the reader when you were born. It’s not as if the reader wants to know your horoscope or zodiac sign from your date of birth.

Place of birth – This is also not necessary because it doesn’t tell the reader how capable you are. Don’t put this in just to add more lines to your resume. Remember that less is more.

Hobbies – I think this would be appropriate once you’ve been employed and the company requires you to fill out some forms provided by HR. The employer may want to know you better as a person but I don’t think a potential interviewer would like to know if you prefer watching TV or going for a swim.

Education Background

In this segment, it is important that you list down whatever awards you may have received, however small it may be. Nothing is too insignificant if you received recognition for it. If you don’t blow your own little trumpet, no one will do it for you. So be proud of all your achievements and flaunt it.

Don’t forget to mention other activities that you have been involved in during your school days too. These are important to show your all-roundedness. It is important for your potential employer to know your other talents on top of good grades in the classrooms.

Work Experience

If you ask me, I personally feel that it is of no harm if you list your work experience in point form rather than in long paragraphs. Of course it is useful to explain your achievements and it may build up well in a narrative way in paragraphs, but if you are able to put them in straight-forward point form, it will save your reader a lot of time. Remember that time is of the essence and the more time you save your reader to find out about you, the better.

It is also not that important to rate yourself in the area of using office softwares like Microsoft Word, Excel, Powerpoint, etc. It is a given these days that you must possess some reasonable skills in using these vital tools. So if you are not a proficient user, all the more you should not be highlighting this. If you are a genius at it, you may rate yourself perfect but then again anyone can rate themselves a 10 out of 10 and it lies with the reader whether or not to believe you. So in my opinion, this is another waste of space and effort to read. Unless you have some very niche or specific knowledge of a particular software, then it will be worth mentioning, especially if it is written up as an advantage in the recruitment advertisement.

Other Information

It is important to let your potential employer know your estimated date of availability, i.e. notice period with your current employer. This is a must to include in your resume. You may also want to indicate whether you are for or against heavy traveling so that you and your potential employer do not waste time if you have deferring stance on this. More often than not, if you are not gamed for heavy traveling, it is normally not negotiable as you probably have very strong reasons for it. So be upfront about your preference if you know that it will likely be a deal-breaker.

One other thing which is subjective is whether or not you should reveal your salaries and your expected salary with the potential employer. From my own experience, I found that not talking about salaries in the resume helps me get a foot into the office for an interview. It is only upon judgement (if I may call it that) of my performance at the interview that the interviewer will consider if I am worth the salary asked for.

I hope the above tip has helped you in fine-tuning or even write your resume from scratch. Your resume should give the best of you in the least words as possible. In other words, describe yourself well in the most concise way. Say what you need to say in the most straight-forward way and avoid beating around the bush or using too flowery language. Having said that, it is also important to be grammatically correct at all times so do watch your language closely. Check and recheck your resume for errors before sending it out.

How to prepare for an interview

As a sequel to my previous post on how to do well at job interviews, this post will talk about the preparations that you can do in the time leading up to your interview. These are practical guidelines to help you tie up loose ends and mentally prepare yourself so that you do not have last minute and unnecessary stress over things you may have overlooked.

When you are contacted for the interview, you should ask a few preliminary questions to help your preparation. You should always ask about what documents are required when you attend the interview. Jot them down and make sure that you have them ready. If it is not asked of you, you should still bring a copy of your resume to the interview. This will also help you as a reference in case you have many versions of resumes sent to different companies at the same time. You don’t want to be confused over which set you have sent to that particular interviewer. You should also bring your education certifications, last three months’ pay slips and any proof of a pay increment, if any.

You should also ask who your interviewers are. Find out their names and their positions in the company if possible. When you have this information, you can do some research and find out more about these individuals so that you know what to expect in terms of their management style, personalities, etc. It is not that easy to find out such personal information most of the time, but if you are well connected, you can ask around friends and get to know who may have heard or know your interviewers.

Also, ask for a contact number and person should you need to contact them. This will come in useful in case of emergency. If for some reason you need to reschedule the interview, at least you are able to be in touch and explain your situation. Also, if you happen to run late on the day of the interview, you should have the courtesy to call to inform.

Take time to decide what you want to wear to the interview. Select something that you feel comfortable and confident wearing. A day or two in advance of the interview, give your outfit a good ironing. Doing this in advance would be a big time saver on the day of the interview, as well as an insurance in case things go wrong on the day you need to wear your power suit, like a power cut which prevents you from ironing out your clothes. This is not paranoid thinking, it could very well happen. In addition, you should also decide on matching shoes and give them a good polish in advance.

Plan your route in advance too, especially if your interview is scheduled at peak hours. Expect delays in traffic conditions and give yourself plenty of time to get there. No harm getting there earlier than to sit in traffic and panic that you will be late. You may also want to enquire about the parking arrangements if you are not familiar with the venue. At most corporate buildings, there are ample parking spaces in the basements, but there are also some buildings that have limited space so you may need to find alternatives. If you have this information beforehand, it could save you a lot of time scouting the area for parking.

As much as the interview will be on your mind a lot, you should also try to take it easy. It is advisable that you take the day off from your job to attend the interview. Most people tend to take half a day of leave if the interview is scheduled in the afternoon. I would like to suggest that you take the entire day off so that you have the morning free and easy. Have an early start on the day of the interview. Do things at a pace that you are comfortable with. Have a hot shower, listen to your favourite music, burn some essential oils and have a positive mindset.

You should do some homework about the company, the role that you have applied for and of course go through the thought process of the possible questions to be asked. You can refer to my earlier post and think through your answers.

Last but not least, you know yourself best and how you can relax the best way possible. Do what it takes and stay in a happy mood. It shows when you are cheerful and confident and it helps to present that positive disposition around you when you meet your interviewers.

How to Get Out of Debt and Get Rich

With the right attitude and a little credit know-how, anyone can climb out of the hole and stay debt-free for life

"My name is John, and I'm a recovered compulsive debtor."

John and thousands like him meet across America -- in church basements and high school auditoriums -- every week. They talk about blowing the mortgage payment on gourmet restaurant meals, then scrounging to find enough coins for the tollbooth. They know that sick dread while opening the mailbox, wondering which bill is now due. They've seen how debt can destroy marriages and even lead to suicide.

They're members of Debtors Anonymous, a 12-step program modeled on Alcoholics Anonymous. They are clerks and executives, artists and electricians. Some have trust funds, others make minimum wage. Some overcharged on credit cards, others bought "fully-loaded" cars with seven-year loans, still others moved into lavish homes with interest-only mortgages. What they have in common is an overwhelming temptation to spend more than they earn. If you think that makes them different from the rest of us, consider this:
Americans bought over $2 trillion worth of stuff on credit last year.

Current outstanding debt on credit cards -- that's the "revolving" part that we don't pay off every month -- totals nearly $700 billion, up from just $50 billion in 1980.

Three of five American families can't pay off their credit cards each month. Their running balance averages about $12,000, which is one-fourth of the median household income.

By the mid-1990s, credit card debt held by Americans living below the poverty level more than doubled.

Senior citizens, once noted for their frugality, are sinking deeper into debt: Their average credit card balance increased by 89 percent between 1992 and 2001.

Total consumer debt in the United States comes to over $7,100 per person -- and that doesn't include mortgages.

Grim as that sounds, there's help to be had. With the right attitude and a little credit know-how, anyone can climb out of the hole and stay debt-free for life.

Just ask Wayne and Rebecca Denton of Clayton, North Carolina. In the 1990s, while Rebecca was in nursing school, Wayne, a lawn-care technician, began putting all their purchases on eight credit cards. By 1998 they were $88,000 in debt -- more than their combined annual income of $61,000.

At first Wayne tried to hide the debt from Rebecca. But it got so bad that he couldn't even make the late-payment penalties, much less pay the bills. Eventually the phone was shut off, and Wayne had to borrow money from relatives just to buy food. The couple hit bottom when Rebecca considered filing separation papers. "But the lawyer told me that we'd be fighting over assumption of debt," she recalls. "I was shocked. In most divorces, people fight over assets. We had no assets."

Rebecca says she "cried to God to save my marriage." The turning point came when she bought a $12.95 workbook by radio host and debt-reduction guru Dave Ramsey. The couple cut up their credit cards, and started working overtime to pay the bills. "Instead of getting mad at each other, we got mad at the debt," says Rebecca.

Seven years later, with one son and another on the way, the Dentons are debt-free, living in a larger house and building up their savings. "It's been a radical change in our thought process," says Rebecca, "but I wouldn't trade it for anything." They keep one credit card for buying gas, which they pay off every month. And they read the fine print. "The credit card companies are really trying to put one past you," says Rebecca.

It wasn't always that way. Back in the 1950s, banks introduced credit cards to promote customer loyalty, especially the kind of customer who would pay the bill in full each month. The business grew steadily but remained fairly genteel until the 1980s, when a series of state and federal deregulations made it possible for banks to charge more interest and operate nationally. Nationwide marketing opened the floodgates. In 2003, banks mailed out 5.2 billion offers for credit cards.

Today more than 75 percent of American families have at least one credit card, which makes it possible to rent cars, shop on the Internet, and buy plane tickets. "You need a credit card," says Terry Savage, the syndicated Chicago Sun-Times financial columnist.

What you don't need, she adds, is the long-term debt. Banks make more interest when people pay over time; that's why minimum payments on credit cards have shrunk to as low as one percent of the total balance. With payments that small, it sounds so easy.

But wait: The average college student owes almost $2,800 on plastic, and that doesn't include student loans. If she pays $50 a month, assuming an 18 percent interest rate, it will take her more than ten years to pay off the credit card -- at a total cost of $6,154.

Financial experts agree that personal responsibility could prevent most debt problems; don't spend it, and you won't have to pay it back. But they still put some of the blame on banks, which lure new customers with low rates, then jack up the interest if they're late on just one payment. Many consumers are unaware that banks can raise your rate if you're late paying a completely unrelated bill, such as your mortgage. (It's in the fine print.)

Banks argue that late payments indicate credit risk, justifying higher rates. But in recent years banks have redefined what's risky -- often raising rates and charging penalties if a payment is late by even a few minutes. According to Robert Manning, a noted industry expert, late fees rose from $1.7 billion in 1996 to $7.7 billion in 2003.

Officials at the American Bankers Association, the trade group representing the credit card industry, say this: "Lenders use penalty fees as a risk-management tool against customers who mishandle their finances."

Dave Ramsey has seen it all: "When you hear about a 78-year-old widow living on $800 a month in Social Security, and the credit card company lets her rack up $70,000 in debt, there's a lot of corporate immorality there."

How much debt is okay? Savage recommends that your mortgage payment plus property tax and home insurance total no more than 40 percent of your take-home pay; Ramsey says no more than 25 percent. If you haven't already consolidated your student loans, do so before June 30: "Consolidation rates are the lowest ever," she says, "and if you agree to have the payment automatically withdrawn from your checking account, they'll usually knock another quarter point off the rate." Car loans -- up to four or five years at a low interest rate -- are also acceptable. "If you need a seven-year car loan, you're buying too much car," says Savage.

Total debt, though, should never be more than half your take-home pay -- and that's assuming you're putting the maximum into a 401(k) before taxes.

As for credit card debt, most experts agree that any is too much. "If you can only make the minimum payment on your credit cards," says Savage, "that's when you know that debt has become your lifestyle."

Struggling to keep up with those payments, nearly 9 million Americans seek debt counseling every year. Sadly, many will wind up deeper in debt -- victims of overpriced schemes that promise to "Pay Down Your Debt!"

According to a 2003 study by the National Consumer Law Center and the Consumer Federation of America, many debt counselors are little more than telephone solicitors, raking in high-pressure "donations" from debtors -- as much as $50 a month plus a sign-up fee that can total a month's worth of debt -- in return for making payments and negotiating lower late fees and interest rates with banks.

But consumers can often get just as good a deal by calling creditors themselves. Furthermore, the plans almost never address secured debt like mortgages and car payments. That means a serious debtor could still lose his home or car, even if the credit card bills are paid -- not much of a deal.

Five years ago, Dolores and Aldo Porziella of Hyde Park, Massachusetts, were in debt "up to our eyeballs" -- owing $10,000 on credit cards while getting by on Aldo's modest income as a hairdresser. The Porziellas signed on for a debt-management plan with Florida-based Consolidated Credit Counseling Services.

For a fee of about $30 a month, Consolidated offered to negotiate lower interest rates on three Porziella credit accounts. But Dolores was looking for even lower rates, and after just one payment, decided to take her business elsewhere. "They may say they're nonprofit," says Dolores, "but I don't think they're in business to help you out."

Technically speaking, Consolidated is not "in business" at all; it's a tax-exempt charity. In 2003 the organization reported revenues of nearly $23 million. Some of that revenue was paid to for-profit companies with ties to officers of Consolidated, for bill processing and other operations. Consolidated spokeswoman April Lewis-Parks notes that the company pays under fair-market value for such work. Lewis-Parks also says that the Porziellas dropped out of the program too soon to see results, and withheld information about some of their creditors. "We have over 50,000 clients, and we strive to provide each person with exemplary service."

For just $9 a month, the Porziellas switched to Consumer Credit Counseling Service of Southern New England, part of a counseling network endorsed by Terry Savage and other experts. CCCS got the couple's Visa card rate lowered from 20 percent to 6 percent. In December the couple made their last payment on that card.

Living debt-free is about more than getting creditors off your back. Knowing you have the financial leeway to weather hardships brings priceless peace of mind to Gary and Sue Cowan. When Tropical Storm Allison hit Houston in June 2001, the Cowans' home was flooded. "We had to leave our house by boat," recalls Sue, who was five months pregnant with her third child. But with their credit cards maxed out at $50,000 and no savings, they couldn't afford the repairs that insurance didn't cover. Six months later, Gary was laid off from his $60,000 technology job. "We were devastated," says Sue. The couple declared bankruptcy.

Soon, though, fresh credit card offers began arriving in the mail. "Bankruptcy doesn't mean anything to them," says Sue. "They just jack up the interest rates." With Gary scraping by on a series of short-term jobs and Sue working at a grocery store, the Cowans quickly rang up $30,000 in new debt.

Sue admits she was a shopaholic: "I wouldn't buy my kids' clothes at Target," she recalls. "I shopped at Dillard's" -- an upscale department store. The Cowans finally changed their habits, selling off the house to pay debts and committing to living within their means. "There's a mentality in this country that if you can afford the payment, you can afford the thing," says Sue. "Now our attitude is if we don't have the cash, we don't buy it." It's a way of life they're trying to pass on to their kids. "Our 11-year-old has $1,000 in savings, and she even made a donation to an orphanage," says Sue with pride.

Leading by example could be the best hope for a debt-free future. "Right now we're teaching our kids how to be great consumers," says Dallas Salisbury, chairman of the American Savings Education Council. "Spending is like binge drinking, and the comedown can be very harsh. Moving away from the consumption message will take a personality transplant for the nation."

Surprising Secrets to Unshakeable Confidence

Act As Though You Expect the Best

Imagine two people of equal skill applying for a job. Would you pick the person who is less confident? Ever? Quite simply, a positive sense of self can transform your life.

Rosabeth Moss Kanter, PhD, author of the bestselling book Confidence: How Winning Streaks and Losing Streaks Begin and End, has honed the definition down to its essence:

"Confidence is the expectation of a positive outcome," says Kanter. A professor at Harvard Business School, Kanter helps translate textbook concepts about success and attitude into practical results. "The fact is," she says, "confidence makes you willing to try harder and attracts the kind of support from others that makes 'winning' possible."

In marriage, it makes you more capable of hearing the feelings and criticisms your partner really needs you to hear. In the business world, confidence bridges the chasm between the person who'll ask for and receive a raise, and the employee who accepts the status quo; between the salesperson who gets bummed out by rejection and stops cold-calling, and the one who forges ahead and scores the mega sale.

If, like most people, your confidence could use a boost, here are strategies on how to develop it quickly -- and keep it working for you the rest of your life.

1. The toes and shoulders test
Remember how Eliza Doolittle was transformed from a lowly flower seller into a confident grande dame in My Fair Lady? In the 1960s, Harvard researcher Robert Rosenthal studied how you can make people succeed simply by labeling them "successful." Students were randomly assigned to two groups, "high-potentials" and "low-potentials." Those singled out as more successful ... were.

Even a hint of praise or scorn can affect our performance. A recent study, published in Perceptual and Motor Skills, demonstrated how powerful a few words can be.

Forty competitive tennis players were shown digital images of balls coming their way. Just before each ball appeared, the players saw or heard comments like "Good shot" or "Bad shot." The reaction times of players hearing negative remarks were measurably slower. And these were athletes who trained frequently to play a consistent game and not make unforced errors.

What's the explanation? Negative feedback undermines anyone's belief in his or her ability to succeed. But if you can hold on to a winning attitude, you'll make a greater effort and also create positive momentum. Confident people inspire others; opportunities seem to come their way more often. They become magnets for success.

At the most basic level of daily activity, confidence shows itself in body language, demeanor and in one's surroundings. Chris Wallace, general manager of the Boston Celtics, used the "toes and shoulders test" to see if pro basketball players were likely to win. He looked at whether players were sticking close to the ground or were up on their toes; whether their shoulders were sagging or they were standing tall -- all to determine if they were really fully focused on the game.

Your body language and attitude send signals. Often the first thing Kanter suggests executives do to boost morale in a business that's failing is to refurbish the workplace. It's one more way of labeling yourself successful. Harvard Business School, where Kanter teaches, is not beautiful by accident: "The surroundings inspire people to live up to high standards," she says. "And don't assume that treating yourself to a good haircut or a stylish suit is frivolous, either," Kanter adds. "You don't do those things to dazzle someone, but to build confidence in advance of victory."

Be Your Own Coach and Take Charge

2. Practice, practice, practice
"Learn the importance of giving yourself pep talks, and keep the voice in your head positive," says Kanter. "I've observed this in athletes, who talk to themselves before and during competition. The best athletes' success is rarely due to raw talent alone. It's because they're simply better prepared." They stay focused, they're willing to work as hard as they need to, and they keep the positive voice in their heads switched on.

"If I'm going into a meeting feeling rotten -- because I have a cold or have had a tough day," says Kanter, "I make a deliberate effort to not let my bad mood show. I smile and work harder than usual to act positive. Similarly, if you are having trouble finding confidence in one area of your life, another way to 'coach' yourself is to create confidence in a different area and leverage it. If you walk into a situation smiling because of satisfaction you've gotten elsewhere -- even something that's as simple as a book club you've joined -- you are more likely to provoke a positive response," Kanter comments. "There's evidence that these feelings are contagious."

Perhaps the most important aspect of being your own coach is to do what any outside adviser -- or a good parent, for that matter -- would preach: practice, practice, practice. Even though Kanter has been a top-gun consultant for years, she admits that she still "almost always over-prepares for lectures," and suggests that others do the same. Recently she traveled to India to consult with a group of executives. "I had to leave two days early in order to arrive on time," she says. "Practically all I did for those two days was rehearse. When the flight attendants on the plane spoke to me, I literally didn't hear them. Whenever I travel for business, I work on the plane, and try to avoid chatting with those around me."

3. Flying without spoons
Avoid individuals who suck your energy and diminish your confidence. You know who they are: Steer clear of them. Hang out with the people who see you at your best, and remind you about it every so often. Pessimists drag you down, as do whiners and critics.

At work especially, stay away from gripe sessions. "If there are legitimate concerns, you should express them, but make it a rule not to complain unless you all agree to try to solve problems," says Kanter. "Confident people have the sense that they are in control, and can take action that will make things happen.

"I love a story from Continental Airlines," Kanter adds, "where the boss wanted each employee to help reach the goal of making sure the planes took off on time. One day a flight attendant noticed that they were delayed because the catering department hadn't provided spoons. She took it upon herself to say, 'Okay, we're going to fly anyway, and I'll explain it to the passengers.' It's a small thing that was big: She showed she had the confidence to be in charge because she knew she was surrounded by people who would support her."

Practice an "In Charge" Attitude
4. The angry e-mail file
If there's one winning behavior that people building confidence should model, Kanter emphasizes, it's the willingness to get back into the game after a setback. "Don't whine or nurse your wounds," she says. Yes, you've heard it before, and, yes, you need to get in there and try again.

There are, however, important caveats. Panicking can compound a small misstep by causing you to lose your head and forget to think clearly. "If you suffer a terrible loss, give yourself time to absorb the blow," Kanter stresses. "Don't deny the hurt or try to solve the problem immediately. Gather your support system around you and simply get nurtured. This is what I did when I lost both of my parents within a few years of one another. We were very close, and I missed them terribly. I made a point of reaching out to friends -- I called people and asked if we could go for a walk, or if I could come to dinner. Sitting around and thinking about your loss is the worst thing you can do to solve your problem."

Panic following a stressful situation may cause you to seek an instant -- and often wrong -- solution. "Write the angry e-mail -- but don't send it in the cold light of day," says Kanter. "If you are feeling panicked, it is not the moment to spring into action, because you'll be too emotional. I've seen this in sports, where athletes forget to do what they know well and start making stupid mistakes." Your basic rule of thumb: Panic makes a small fumble worse.

5. Let the Confidence Games begin
When Kanter advises executives, she stresses the importance of recognition and praise: "Bosses who have both big plans and the human touch, who walk through corridors acknowledging and complimenting people, can make a huge difference in the confidence level -- and in the success of their companies."

The recognition itself does not need to be a big deal, but it does need to be genuine. When Tom McCraw coached for the Houston Astros, he offered a $100 reward to the player who drove in the winning run. "Guys making million-dollar salaries chased me around after the game for that money," he said. The cash itself wasn't the point: It was the recognition of the contribution. Continental Airlines found success with the same practice. One year, they offered a $65 bonus to all employees if Continental managed to score in the top four airlines in on-time arrivals. The results speak for themselves. The airline's performance went from seventh place to first -- and some $2.5 million in bonus checks were distributed to Continental employees.

"Find the strength in somebody else, and tell them how you feel about them," says Kanter. "Be specific in sharing with people what they've done that pleases you. Even in marriage, husbands and wives often don't know what their partner really likes about them. My husband is extremely cheerful, especially in the morning. I tell him how much it means to me that he wakes up happy, when I may not feel that way. It's a small thing, but after 33 years we have a very close, solid marriage."

Unfortunately, in the workplace especially, not everyone gets the praise they need to feel confident. Kanter suggests the reason may be that your boss is getting no recognition from his or her boss: "People who don't have anything to feel good about can become petty simply to prove how important they are." If you get stuck working for someone like this, it can sap your confidence. You may start thinking you're a loser. If that happens, find a situation in which you can win. Look for another job, get together with co-workers to try to change things, or put your efforts into something outside of work."

6. Remember Kanter's Law: Everything can look like a failure in the middle
Winning is often the result of persistence, of not giving up when your goal appears to be in jeopardy. "When you adopt the attitude that if you do something it will make a difference, that's confidence," she says. "Look at your situation and think of yourself as being in the middle of it. The story is rarely over, even when the great majority think it is -- something every sports fans knows."

Kicker Adam Vinatieri helped the New England Patriots defeat the Miami Dolphins 27-24 on December 29, 2002, when he kicked a 42-yard field goal in the final seconds, after many spectators had already gotten up from their seats to make their way out of the stadium. This event got fans saying, "It's not over until Vinatieri kicks." Sure enough, in the 2004 Super Bowl, Vinatieri kicked the game-winning points for the Pats in the final few seconds.

Certainly, there will still be moments and situations that just aren't going to go your way, and this is the time when confidence needs to be tempered by realism. If you believe in yourself so strongly that you act rashly, confidence can actually make you "stupid." So handle it with care -- and use your new confidence wisely.

Advice on Outsourcing

Do you have questions about office politics, pets and patience? 
Jeanne Marie Laskas has answers.

Life's Little Etiquette Conundrums
Q. A friend gets free theater tickets and invites you to join her. Afterward, you go out for dinner. Ordinarily, had she paid for the tickets, you might feel inclined to pick up the tab. But since they were free, are you still obligated to grab the check?

A. Here we have a classic case of a distinction without a difference. Whether your friend got the tickets free, paid for them, or even overpaid for them makes no difference for you: You still got treated to an evening at the theater. Springing for dinner is a classy way to say thanks.

Q. My dad worked for the same company for more than 20 years. When his branch was outsourced to Mexico two years ago, he and my mother packed up and moved halfway across the country to keep his job in the corporate office. Then he had to travel to Mexico every other week to train people to do his previous job. Last week he was laid off. My heart breaks for him. I want to write to the CEO of the company or do something to get the message out to the people who took advantage of him.
--Angry Daughter

A. What message would that be? That you feel they took advantage of your dad? That they used him and apparently decided to do so a long time ago? Would that help your dad? Instead of writing to the CEO, why not write to your dad and tell him how much you love him, how proud you are to be his daughter, and how you'd love for him and your mom to move home, close to you.

Q. I admit it: I like to brag about my kids. They're young and cute, and what's not to love about them? But as bad as I am, my friend is worse. Every time I tell a story starring my children, she has to top it with one about hers. Worse yet, she once tried outdoing one of my stories with one about her dog! How do I hint at my frustrations?
--Proud Parent

A. When they compete with dog stories, you know you're in trouble. Parents who do this never quit. Chances are you're just as bad. You two need to find less competitive parents to brag to and set each other free.

Q. My husband's father is a piece of work. He says—screams—the meanest things to his own son, no matter who's around. Recently, he developed a medical condition that requires our weekly assistance; when he calls, he expects my husband to be there immediately. I've always thought this was a battle between my husband and his father, so I kept my mouth shut. But the old man has gotten much worse, and it's not right for our kids to see their dad treated this way. What should I do?
--Out of Patience with Pop

A. Don't expect your husband to stand up for himself; if he could, he would have done so long ago. Put your foot down. (The man's son is your husband, and that gives you license to step in.) Tell Pop to stop being nasty to your husband or you'll put a stop to the help coming from your house to his. But also seek out services for the elderly; a grumpy old man is often a depressed old man who needs help.

Q. Our company received a $100 gift card from another business with directions to donate it. Since no one in the office cared, I sent the money to a small school that needed a computer. We received thank-you letters from the class, and now my boss wants to use the letters as proof of our company's community outreach. I don't think we should take credit for another company's donation.
--Principled

A. Transferring someone else's money to a needy school is a paltry example of community outreach, but standing up against the practice is sure to put you in a bad light at work. Ask your boss to write a letter to the school touting the other company's generosity. In the meantime, focus on the fact that some kids are enjoying the new computer!

Q. I'm 17 years old and headed for college soon. Yet my mother persists in speaking to me in baby talk. I've begged her to stop, but she says I have to live with it.
--No Baby

A. Aw, give Mom a break. She's about to lose you to the big bad world. As long as she doesn't expect you to sit on her lap and burp, you're good to go. Tell her you love her. And ask her to please try to control the baby talk when she visits the dorm.

Lessons on Patience and Appreciation

Do you have questions about fellow employees, relationships and patience? 
Jeanne Marie Laskas has answers.

Do your co-workers annoy you at work?

Life's Little Etiquette Conundrums
Q. My boss gave me a gift certificate for my birthday. When I went to redeem it, I was informed that it had expired four months earlier! What do I say?

A. Yikes. That's a sticky one. If you have an easy relationship with your boss, try making a joke about it: "Uh, about that generous gift …" If it's a more formal relationship, let this episode go and avoid risking the embarrassment of a considerate employer who likely meant well. Accept the thought-that-counts as your gift and move on.


Q. I work in an office of about 35 people. One coworker, a wonderfully nice man, has been whistling the same song, very loudly and very often, every day since he got here, six months ago. It's unbearable! I can hear the sighs of my colleagues as soon as he starts up, and a song that I once loved is becoming torture. But his whistling brings him such joy that it seems cruel to tell him it's driving the rest of us bonkers.
--Whistler's Friend

A. What a great problem to have—a wonderfully nice whistling man! Surely he'll work with you. Keep it light. Say "Dude, about the whistling …" Tell him he's a darn good whistler, then say "But do you know any other tunes?" and "Do you take requests?" Make some. Have coworkers ask for their favorites.

Q. About a year and a half ago, I lent a friend $800 for a new transmission for his car. He paid me back $250, but nothing more in the last year. I now need help with a website—something he's very good at. He's said he'll help but keeps putting it off. I haven't yet suggested that he trade his time for the debt, but it seems obvious. Should I just drop it?
--Lender

A. For goodness' sake, speak up! Never leave it up to someone else to figure out what's going on in your brain. He owes you the money, and you owe him a clearly articulated choice of ways to repay you. You're offering the chance to trade his time and expertise for his debt. It's a great deal.

Q. My parents expect me to do well in school, even though my brothers are pretty lousy students. Anything less than a B from me and I'm in trouble. Ironically, my parents' nagging is affecting my grades. Are they too pushy, or should I just be happy to have caring parents?
--Feeling Guilty
A. Sounds like Mom and Pop are feeling like failed parents on the academic front, so they're pinning all their hopes on you. They have an important lesson to learn: Nagging has never made anyone smarter. So teach them. Thank them for caring, but let them know that the needling is making you nuts. Tell them you want to succeed on your own terms.


Q. My husband and I have a daughter who has given us four beautiful grandchildren. On Christmas and their birthdays, we like to give them each a toy. The problem is that our daughter invariably takes the toys away, withholding them as a form of punishment, which seems unreasonable. What can we do?
--Doting

A. Not very much. Your opinions are irrelevant to whatever parenting techniques your daughter employs (as long as she is not harming her children). Your daughter may be stressed-out by the demands of having four kids. An offer to help may go a lot further toward your grandchildren's well-being than any gift you could give them.

Q. My husband plays an online video game—excessively. We have two young kids, and sometimes I feel like a single mom because he "just wants to play a little bit." I've told him he needs to cut back, which he does for a day or two, but he's soon back to his routine. When I bring it up, he gets mad and says that I'm really upset about something else that I'm just not articulating. Wrong! How do I get him to understand?
--Single Mom of Three

A. Go ahead and agree with your husband when he says you're upset about something else. That will eliminate his attempt to change the subject. Then, once you have his attention, tell him you need help. You do not need him to understand; you need him to change: to change the diapers, to change the child care routine, and to change his attitude, especially when it comes to spending time with his family.

What To Do About Nosy Co-Workers

Jeanne Marie Laskas is not a shrink, but she does have uncommon sense. Here she offers her advice on meddlesome co-workers, problem in-laws and more.

Q. Some of my coworkers have decided that I am a horrible mother because my 21-year-old daughter still lives with me while she finishes school. These busybodies have no children of their own but comment liberally that they would kick their kids out at 18, it's the best thing for them, blah, blah, blah. I would rather not discuss my personal business with these folks, but every day they ask me if she has moved out. How do I answer?
—Wish I'd Kept It to Myself

A. I'm assuming you don't want to confront these chatterboxes about their boorish behavior, so let's talk strategy: You're going to have to change the subject by beating it to death. To do this, brag about your daughter. Brag big. Go on and on about how wonderfully she's doing in college, all the clubs she's in, how many awesome awards she's likely to win. They will get so sick of hearing about her, they'll beg you to talk about something else.

Q. I'm part of a small church group, and we have a problem with one of the ladies. She must practically bathe in her perfume, a scent so strong that some of the others have dropped out because they're allergic to it (a few even went to the doctor). Do we tell her that her perfume is making us sick?
—Miffed Sniffer

A. When people are about to pass out, it's time to take action. It's likely that Ms. Aroma has lost her sensitivity to scents, so this calls for the utmost tact and kindness. Tell her how much you enjoy her contributions and how valuable her counsel has been to the group. Tell her that some in the group are seriously allergic to perfumes. Ask her what she thinks about a "no scents" policy. Make it fun. Say "How about we call ourselves the Non-scents Ladies?" Engage her in the group effort instead of singling her out.

Q. My boss has been successfully running her business for almost 20 years. (I've worked for her for seven.) Her husband, who used to handle small handyman chores and payroll on the side, recently retired, and she made him a partner. He's become unbearable: He argues with clients, leaves nasty messages in our inboxes, and makes us write down everything we do each day. All the employees are afraid to speak to him, and we don't know how to deal with his obnoxious demands.
—Cowed Coworkers

A. You're afraid to speak your mind to your boss's husband? What about your boss? Someone better wise these two up or 20 years of hard work will evaporate. If Bear Stearns can disappear overnight, you can believe your boss's business is not immune. Talk this out!

Q. I recently gave birth to my first baby, and I'm already having issues with my in-laws. They are both heavy smokers. My husband and I agree that it's unhealthy to bring our baby into a nicotine-filled house, and my in-laws are outraged. We've told them they're welcome to visit us, but they accuse us of keeping their grandson from them. Are we being unrea sonable?
—Fuming Mom
A. Unreasonable? Try responsible. You're a parent now, and that means you and your husband get to be boss. Give your in-laws clear guidelines, such as "no smoking around the baby." You can hope they figure out a more gracious way to accept your pronouncements, but their happiness is not your worry; your baby's safety is. Stick to your guns.

Life's Little Etiquette Conundrums
Q. I have a pet peeve: people who blow their nose during meals. I was taught to excuse myself and go to the restroom or outside when I needed to blow my nose. Am I overreacting?

A. You wouldn't think polite society would need a refresher course on this, but here, for the record, is my public service announcement: All matters of personal hygiene—hair combing, teeth flossing, nail clipping, makeup applying, and nose blowing—should be done privately, not where people are dining. (Allergy sufferers and those who have need to dab at a runny nose are excused, however.)

Airline Pilot Speaks Out On Flight Delays

Welcome aboard. Our flying time this afternoon, not counting ground delays and holding patterns, will be two hours and thirty minutes.

Before we take off, I would like to apologize on behalf of this and every airline for the hassle you just endured at the security checkpoint. As is patently obvious to any reasonable person, the humiliating shoe removals, liquids ban, and pointy-object confiscations do little to make us safer.

Source: Department of Transportation
Unfortunately, the government insists that security theater, and not actual security, is in the nation's best interest. If it makes you feel any better, our crew had to endure the same screening as the passengers. Never mind that the baggage loaders, cleaners, caterers, and refuelers receive only occasional random screening. You can rest easy knowing that I do not have a pair of scissors or an oversize shampoo bottle anywhere in my carry-on luggage.

Just a moment.

Okay, well, as expected, we've received word of a ground stop. Our new estimated departure time is 90 minutes from now, subject to change arbitrarily, without warning.

And while we're waiting, let me explain that these sorts of delays (and it's not your imagination -- late arrivals and departures have doubled since 1995) result not only from our antiquated air traffic control system but also from too many planes flying into and out of overcrowded airports. Passengers demand frequency-you want lots of flights flying to lots of cities. But this can be self-defeating, because many of these flights will be late -- in some cases, very late. At airports near major cities like New York and Washington, D.C., the proliferation of small jets has added to the congestion. They make up nearly 50 percent of planes at some of our busiest airports yet carry only a fraction of overall passengers. This inefficient use of air and ground space is one reason we will be sitting here for the next hour and a half.

Once we're airborne, flight attendants will be coming around with food and beverages for sale. I know many of you are irritated that an in-flight meal now costs $7 -- on top of the $25 you just paid for an extra checked bag. Unfortunately, with oil prices skyrocketing and jets requiring as much fuel as ever (a coast-to-coast flight takes 8,000 gallons), it's impossible for us to provide luxurious service and rock-bottom fares at the same time. We know that most of you are miserable and that you long ago learned to despise every aspect of air travel. But try, if you can, not to take your frustrations out on other passengers or the crew. The overall surly vibe is unpleasant for us too. And ridiculous as this might sound, look on the bright side.

Yes, there is a bright side: more choices and surprisingly reasonable fares. Domestically, you can now fly between almost any two airports in the country with, at worst, a single stopover. Internationally, transoceanic routes have fragmented, allowing people to fly direct from smaller hubs in the United States to points in Europe, Asia, Latin America, and elsewhere. Nobody enjoys holding patterns or sitting on a tarmac, but in earlier days, the overall journey would have taken longer-and cost more.

It's true that fares have risen sharply of late, but if they seem especially pricey, that's partly because they remained so cheap for so long, with many carriers selling tickets below cost. Fares in 2006 were averaging 12 percent lower than in 2000, despite a 150 percent rise in jet-fuel costs.

Current fares cost about what they did in the 1980s. And let's not forget that flying is much safer than it was in the past. Globally, there are twice as many planes carrying twice as many people as there were a quarter century ago. Although the raw total of crashes has risen, accidents are way down as a percentage of total flights.

I am well aware that airlines have become pariahs of the postindustrial economy. But it's rarely acknowledged that despite recurrent fiscal crises, major staffing and technology problems, and constant criticism from the public, our carriers have managed to maintain a mostly reliable, affordable, and safe transportation system.

Hang in there, and our crew will let you know if and when our plane might actually take off. In the meantime, those $7 sandwiches are actually pretty good

Approach Someone: 4 Steps

Approaching strangers is a miserable chore for most of us. It's loaded with dread and laced with fears of rejection. The few people who do it well have two things going for them: experience from having done it many, many times before, and a game plan of sorts, even if it's an unconscious one. They have learned what's necessary to ensure the best possible reception when they approach someone, and it's something anyone can learn.  

That "someone" we're referring to could be any number of people in any number of situations. It might be a woman at a restaurant; it could be a prospective employer; or it may be someone in the service industry, like a maitre d'. In short, this "someone" is anyone that you want to approach and from whom you would appreciate a warm reception.

To help you get that kind of reception, we offer four steps to approach someone.

STEP 1

Relax your body language

As we have pointed out here at AM many times, body language is a valuable but often underutilized tool in successfully communicating with others. It's crucial to take stock of the kinds of messages we send by way of body language in order to bring them under our control. When approaching someone and seeking that warm reception, make sure that you aren't communicating any of the nervousness or the defensiveness that you might be feeling about possibly getting rejected or otherwise feeling like a fool. Don't steam toward them with your chin dipped, arms at your side, fists clenched -- you'll look blatantly aggressive, causing people to throw up their own guard the moment they see you. Don't cross your arms either, or have your head cocked to the side, chin tipped up -- it's an arrogant look that won't get you very far. Instead, keep your chin straight and level, and reduce the visual impact of your arms and hands as best you can, whether that means using a pocket (have some discretion here) or keeping them locked loosely behind your back. Either way, leave your hands available so you can use them to make a point if necessary.

STEP 2

Establish eye contact

The first indication that you give to someone to let them know your intentions will almost invariably start with the eyes. We don't need to press the point here about the importance of eye contact in all nonverbal communication, but it should be noted that first impressions start at this initial eye contact. From that point forward you have a precious second or two to express, in your body language and the look in your eye, your intentions. So be certain you're ready when their eyes meet yours. Most people who spend a lot of time in social settings, like a maitre d' or, of course, a bartender, become especially good at spotting the look of someone who wants their attention. They can also read your body language in an instant, and likely make the semiconscious decision right then and there about how they intend to receive you.

There are a few more steps you need to know when you want to approach someone new

STEP 3

Smile

Without a doubt, the most essential step to approach someone is to smile. Not a huge, goofy smile, but a calm and friendly one. Approach people bearing a smile and you can disarm just about anyone. Smiling is one element in Dale Carnegie's famous book How to Win Friends and Influence People -- its efficacy in thawing even the sourest of attitudes is widely known, and a person doesn't even need to be genuinely happy to conjure up a functional smile. Granted, your eyes will give you away in a fake smile, but when approaching someone the point is not to present a convincing smile that would make any dentist swoon.

The point is just to smile.

STEP 4

Open with a greeting

When we approach our friends, or send them e-mails or text messages, it's rare for us to open with a greeting. Over time, familiarity erases that pretense and its absence in those instances isn't that big of a deal. The big deal starts when you carry over that informal behavior to people you don't know well, or to someone you're approaching for the first time. Thus, the last of the four steps to approach someone involves tacking even the most basic of greetings on to the front end of whatever words you intend to open with.

One reason is because it's plain good manners to do so, another is because it's plain awful manners to barge into someone's space and blurt out, "What's the wait time for a table?" or "I'm looking for work." Informality might be creeping into almost every aspect of communication, but that doesn't mean it'll work for you, or that people appreciate it. Open with a friendly greeting, even the most perfunctory "hi" or "good morning" or even "excuse me," because it establishes its own little dialog between you and this person. It creates a playing field with some basic rules of decency and politeness, whereas opening with a demand or a pointed question will at most inspire an equally cold, abrupt response.

Manage A Bad Boss

Bad supervisors come in a variety of models. For example, there’s the Micromanager who nitpicks about the font size in your e-mails, there’s the Royal Pain who treats you like a personal assistant, there’s the Office Politician who takes credit for all your hard work, and there’s the Lead Grunt who was only promoted because of seniority and shoots down any attempt at change. When you manage a bad boss, it pays to know which model stands before you. No matter what the specific flaws are, bad bosses all have one thing in common: they can’t be ignored. Complying with your supervisor’s abusive behavior or working around incompetent decisions is tantamount to saying that these poor management techniques work on you, and it’s only a matter of time before this affects your health and self-esteem. Here are five tips to help you when you manage a bad boss.

Always keep your cool
No matter how frustrated you get when you have to manage a bad boss, it’s important that you remain calm and composed at all times. Getting angry in front of your employer or your colleagues makes you look like the bad guy, and it may affect your professional reputation. Keep in mind that people usually don’t realize that they’re being bad bosses; a simple, non-confrontational observation is often all that’s needed to make them reconsider their approach. If your supervisor is of the Royal Pain variety, try casually repeating his or her unreasonable request as if to confirm it: “You’d like me to find your daughter a camel for her birthday before six o’clock tonight?”

Dress your issues as business concerns
When you manage a bad boss and express your misgivings, treat the conversation like any other business meeting. In other words, keep the tone neutral and be solution-minded. Instead of complaining about what your supervisor is doing wrong, discuss management changes that can improve the department as a whole. Micromanagers are particularly receptive to this strategy because it allows them to feel like they’re still in control of everything. You should also avoid bringing up personal issues. Bad bosses, especially Lead Grunts, often have trouble with the notion that maintaining employee morale is part of their responsibilities. As a result, your complaints may be perceived as petulant.

Communicate in writing

When you manage a bad boss you'll be required you to always follow up any verbal agreement with an e-mail confirmation, and make sure to CC at least one other person in the company. In fact, if you have an important request or proposal to make, it’s best to do it entirely in writing, especially if your boss is an Office Politician. Since written communication is considered official record, your supervisor is more likely to pay attention to your comments. You’re also covering your ass in case anything goes wrong and your boss tries to blame you. Similarly, you should keep a private journal to record the date of every conflict or incident and detail the respective actions you and your supervisor have taken. This will come in handy if you need to make a formal complaint.

Don’t compromise yourself when you manage a bad boss

Press restart on your career

Getting back into the job market after time off is harder than ever. These four strategies can hel

(Money Magazine) -- Li Graham is plenty busy. As a mother of 6-year-old triplets and a 2-year-old, her hands - let alone her mini-van, laundry basket, and grocery cart - are more than full. Yet Graham, 49, who has spent the past six years at home after 18 years working in the business side of the publishing industry, craves the satisfaction she felt as a professional - not to mention the financial benefits.

When the market tanked, she and her husband, Steve, 50, an executive at an aerospace company, lost about 40% of their retirement savings. Moreover, Steve's company cut its 401(k) match, and while his employment seems stable, the Grahams are well aware that no job today is totally safe. "I'm concerned that I'm not contributing enough," says Li.

Plenty of mothers share Li's sentiment. In a recent survey by MyWorkButterfly.com, a website for moms returning to the workforce, 71% of mothers who went back to work named financial security as the most important benefit.

But these days many stay-at-home moms, like retirees and others who have been off the full-time track for a while, are finding that nabbing a job is no easy matter. Not only are they facing the most sour job market in decades, but they're also competing with scores of candidates who don't have a rusty skill set and a gap in their résumé to explain.

The following strategies should help Li - and anyone else embarking on a post-hiatus job hunt - get a foot back in the door.

Nail down your motivation

Two major factors should dictate your approach to the job search: the kind of job you want, and the financial benefits you hope to gain.

Many returning moms go through a "floundering" period when trying to figure out what kind of job to go after, says Carol Fishman Cohen, co-founder of career reentry site iRelaunch.com. Li, for example, has no less than four ideas for a small business, and she's thinking about returning to publishing or shifting into a career with a more flexible schedule - say, in education.

To narrow down the possibilities, think about the hours you're willing to work and the schedule that various jobs would require. And take into account where you have the best shot at getting an offer. Right now government, health care, and education are the areas most likely to be hiring, says Terry Nagel, head of Encore.org, a resource for people seeking second careers. In Li's industry some web publications have weathered the downturn better than their print counterparts.

0:00 /0:47Job switching success

Next consider your financial goals. If extra income is your most pressing need, figure out the minimum you'll have to make after accounting for new expenses like child care, transportation, office lunches, and dry cleaning.

But salary isn't the whole story. You should add in the value of key benefits such as life insurance and a health insurance plan that might be cheaper than the one you currently use. If, like the Grahams, you have a pressing need to get your retirement savings back on track, you'll want to target companies that offer a 401(k) match and perhaps even a pension as well, says financial adviser Amy Barrett.

Uncover knowledge gaps

One thing moms reentering the workforce can be sure of: How you did your job before you took time off has probably changed dramatically. To find out what you need to learn or brush up on, Fishman Cohen suggests taking former colleagues out to lunch and asking what specific new skills are crucial to the job. "Ask questions like 'Remember how we used to use that special spreadsheet to figure out costs? How do you do it now?'" she says.

Li will probably discover that online work is a much greater part of the job than it was when she left. To refresh skills in that area, she may want to sign up for a workshop from an industry group or take a course at a local college.

Rebuild your network

Recession or no, most people still find jobs through personal contacts. So priority No. 1 is reconnecting with as many of those former colleagues as you can. That includes not only people who were on your level, but also those who were junior to you - since you've been out of the workforce, they may have moved up and may even be in a position to hire.

Li can use a professional networking site like LinkedIn to expand her connections by reaching out to new people who currently work for her former employers. She can also enhance her online profile by garnering recommendations from former colleagues or people she may have volunteered with during her years at home.

Get your foot in the door

No matter how good your contacts, you're still going to have to find a way to cut in front of hundreds of other qualified applicants. Tap your newly re-formed network to see whether anyone is looking for help with a freelance or consulting project; with all the turmoil and layoffs going on, employers are having trouble getting some short-term projects finished. Once the boss is familiar with your work, he or she will be more likely to consider you for a staff position.

Or find a relevant volunteer project: Even if it doesn't get you a job, it will give you something current to put on your résumé.

One plus for an overburdened mom: If you're looking for flexibility, you may find that works to your advantage. Says Allison O'Kelly, founder of Mom Corps, a staffing company dedicated to helping women reenter the workforce: "Offering to work on a part-time or trial basis may be very attractive to an employer who needs to cut costs." Finally, be realistic: To get hired, you may need to take a lateral or lower position than you had before.

All that makes sense to Li, who has recently gone on a handful of interviews for publishing jobs. "I'm not sure how it will all work out," she says, "but I'm ready to take on both roles now."

Three fast fixes

Li and Steve Graham need to get their retirement savings back on track. First step: Put away more.

1. Fund an IRA, ASAP. The Grahams shouldn't wait to start funding their retirement accounts. Li, who turns 50 in November, and Steve can each contribute $6,000 to Roth IRAs this year. In addition, Li should fully fund her employee retirement plan once she becomes eligible later on.

2. Make the most of her résumé. There's no point in trying to hide a career gap. Li may want to list her time at home in a category called "personal," below her professional experience. She should, however, be sure to mention any volunteer or freelance work that relates to her career goals.

3. Seek out a staff position. Li is drawn to the flexibility of self-employment, but she may be underestimating how costly and time-consuming a small business can be, says Leslie Godwin, a career coach who specializes in moms returning to work. A corporate job also holds the possibility of a 401(k) with an employer match, which will let the Grahams rebuild their savings faster.