Overview
The United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the industrialized world. The Center for Disease control says that one-third of girls get pregnant before the age of 20. Teenpregnancy.org, a site managed by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, states that there are "750,000 teen pregnancies annually. Eight in ten of these pregnancies are unintended and 81 percent are to unmarried teens."
Educating teenagers about contraception makes them more likely to use contraception when they begin having sex, but it doesn't lower the age at first intercourse. Why? Probably because the decision where and with whom to become sexually active is a very complicated one, and may be rooted in family, peers, religion, the media and individual personality factors.
Facts on Teen Pregnancy:
• Teenage mothers are more likely to drop out of high school
• Be and remain single parents
• Score lower in math and reading into adolescence
Prevention
If you are a teen thinking about having sex, the best way to prevent an unwanted pregnancy is to educate yourself about different forms of contraceptive. The Public Health Agency of Canada states that 25 percent of young women who have intercourse without using a method of birth control will become pregnant within one month.
If you are a parent, it is important to talk to your teen about sex .
Treatment
If you or your teen becomes pregnant there are several resources that can help. Make sure you see your physician if you have any questions about pregnancy or contraceptives.
Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/12504-te.../#ixzz0r6Yx2HEy
Showing posts with label Female Facts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Female Facts. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
In order to get job in a company...
In order to get job in a company ...
.
.
.
.
A boy need 100%talent
But
A girl need only 4% talent remaining is
.
.
.
.
.
( 36 )
)24(
( 36 )
=96%
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
What To Do When You Catch Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend Cheating
Are you in a serious romantic relationship? If you are, is your relationship defined as being boyfriend and girlfriend? If it is, you may still be curious about cheating. Despite the fact that you may not be married, it doesn?t mean that a cheating partner will not hurt.
If you catch your boyfriend or girlfriend cheating, you may be curious as to what you should do. After all, a quick internet search online will mostly produce results for married couples. As a reminder, just because you are not married, it doesn?t have to mean that you have to put up with a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend.
If you learn that you boyfriend or girlfriend has been cheating, the first thing that you will want to do is take a step back. You will want to fully think the situation through. Catching a cheating spouse often results in impulsive actions. It is expected, but it can be harmful. As for what you should do when you do learn about the cheating, please continue reading on.
If you actually catch your boyfriend or girlfriend in the act, like if you see them having sex, leave the room. In fact, you should do so immediately. Verifying an affair is one thing, but staying the room, even just to argue, is not advised. Vacate the premise immediately, unless of course it is your own home. This gives you time to think about what you saw and what your actions should be, without having to see half naked bodies sitting in front of you.
Be sure to think about what you saw or what you learned. If you are seriously considering ending your relationship, do not decide right away. Instead, ask your boyfriend or girlfriend for a little bit of time apart. This is ideal if you do not live together. If you do live together, ask that your cheating partner stays with friends or family members. At the very least, have them sleep in another room.
Another action that you can take is to breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend. As previously stated, you may not want to do this right away, especially if you are in a long-term relationship. With that in mind, be sure to remember that many men and women who cheat often do so again and again. Do you really want to always be wondering if your boyfriend or girlfriend is where they say they are?
If you are interested in trying to save your relationship, you should recommend counseling to your cheating partner. Although counseling is often associated with marriage, couples counseling is also available and can be helpful as well. Your chances of saving your relationship are better if you are older, as opposed to being a teenager, or you have been in a long-term relationship. For many, long-term relationships are worth saving.
As for what you will never want to do, never resort to violence. When placed in situations, such as a finding a cheating spouse, both men and women have the ability to become violent. This violence may be physical, verbal, or a combination of them both. Whatever you do, do not resort to violence, as it often makes the situation much worse than it needs to be.
As you can see, there are a number of different ways that you can go about dealing with a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend. Whichever approach you do take, just be sure to follow your heart, but use your best judgment at the same time.
If you catch your boyfriend or girlfriend cheating, you may be curious as to what you should do. After all, a quick internet search online will mostly produce results for married couples. As a reminder, just because you are not married, it doesn?t have to mean that you have to put up with a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend.
If you learn that you boyfriend or girlfriend has been cheating, the first thing that you will want to do is take a step back. You will want to fully think the situation through. Catching a cheating spouse often results in impulsive actions. It is expected, but it can be harmful. As for what you should do when you do learn about the cheating, please continue reading on.
If you actually catch your boyfriend or girlfriend in the act, like if you see them having sex, leave the room. In fact, you should do so immediately. Verifying an affair is one thing, but staying the room, even just to argue, is not advised. Vacate the premise immediately, unless of course it is your own home. This gives you time to think about what you saw and what your actions should be, without having to see half naked bodies sitting in front of you.
Be sure to think about what you saw or what you learned. If you are seriously considering ending your relationship, do not decide right away. Instead, ask your boyfriend or girlfriend for a little bit of time apart. This is ideal if you do not live together. If you do live together, ask that your cheating partner stays with friends or family members. At the very least, have them sleep in another room.
Another action that you can take is to breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend. As previously stated, you may not want to do this right away, especially if you are in a long-term relationship. With that in mind, be sure to remember that many men and women who cheat often do so again and again. Do you really want to always be wondering if your boyfriend or girlfriend is where they say they are?
If you are interested in trying to save your relationship, you should recommend counseling to your cheating partner. Although counseling is often associated with marriage, couples counseling is also available and can be helpful as well. Your chances of saving your relationship are better if you are older, as opposed to being a teenager, or you have been in a long-term relationship. For many, long-term relationships are worth saving.
As for what you will never want to do, never resort to violence. When placed in situations, such as a finding a cheating spouse, both men and women have the ability to become violent. This violence may be physical, verbal, or a combination of them both. Whatever you do, do not resort to violence, as it often makes the situation much worse than it needs to be.
As you can see, there are a number of different ways that you can go about dealing with a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend. Whichever approach you do take, just be sure to follow your heart, but use your best judgment at the same time.
How To Tell If A Girl Really Likes U 3 Simple Ways To Know?
Relationships are one of the most frustrating aspects of human existence. It seems like some kind of cosmic joke that men and women are so different in every way, yet we?re supposed to pair up successfully. It can seem impossible to tell what the opposite sex is thinking and how we can respond. Unfortunately, many men depend on an ill-informed set of criteria to decode what they think women want. Eyelash batting is a sure sigh if you?re into the middle-school set. What you should be keeping your eyes peeled for is a combination of positives and negatives. Here?s some insight to how real women show there interest, or lack of.
1- Body Language
This is a big one. There?s a lot of information to be gathered here. It will tell you if she?s interested, and it can tell you if she?s not. . Pay attention to how she?s sitting. Are her legs crossed toward you or away from you? If they?re toward you, then chat with her; if they?re away, then you should go away too. If she?s closed off, meaning she?s physically withdraw from you: turns away, folds her arms, avoids eye contact, she?s telling you to keep moving. If you see the opposite behaviors, have a seat.
2- The eyes have it
If her body language says yes, then you?re probably close enough to check out her eyes. Our pupils dilate when we look at something we desire. There?s no way to fake it either way. It?s basic biology.
3- Get a clue
If you?re not catching the nonverbals she?s throwing out, listen to the words that are coming out of her mouth. There are certain topics a woman will never broach with a man she?d like to get to know better, and some things she?s only say if she?s into you:
* Exes - If she talks about other guys, even ex boyfriends, she?s saying there?s no room for you.
* Eternity ? If she goes over the top about how she?s itching to tie the knot, she?s either got issues you don?t want to get involved with or she wants rid of you.
It?s a fail proof way to run a new guy off. The same goes for any degree of biological clock ticking.
*Interrogation If she?s interested, she?ll ask. It?s that simple. No woman is going to ask get-to-know-you-type questions to a man she doesn?t want to know about. If she?s asking about your job, your family, your extra curricular activities, treat it like a job interview. You are being evaluated for compatibility and boyfriend potential.
So, forget everything you think you know about hair twirling and giggling. Grown women don?t behave that way. Dating can be tricky, especially at the start, but there?s no need to complicate things by trying to play it like a guessing game. Responding to simple social cues will save a lot of confusion for all involved. Uncomplicated relationship doesn?t have to be an oxymoron.
1- Body Language
This is a big one. There?s a lot of information to be gathered here. It will tell you if she?s interested, and it can tell you if she?s not. . Pay attention to how she?s sitting. Are her legs crossed toward you or away from you? If they?re toward you, then chat with her; if they?re away, then you should go away too. If she?s closed off, meaning she?s physically withdraw from you: turns away, folds her arms, avoids eye contact, she?s telling you to keep moving. If you see the opposite behaviors, have a seat.
2- The eyes have it
If her body language says yes, then you?re probably close enough to check out her eyes. Our pupils dilate when we look at something we desire. There?s no way to fake it either way. It?s basic biology.
3- Get a clue
If you?re not catching the nonverbals she?s throwing out, listen to the words that are coming out of her mouth. There are certain topics a woman will never broach with a man she?d like to get to know better, and some things she?s only say if she?s into you:
* Exes - If she talks about other guys, even ex boyfriends, she?s saying there?s no room for you.
* Eternity ? If she goes over the top about how she?s itching to tie the knot, she?s either got issues you don?t want to get involved with or she wants rid of you.
It?s a fail proof way to run a new guy off. The same goes for any degree of biological clock ticking.
*Interrogation If she?s interested, she?ll ask. It?s that simple. No woman is going to ask get-to-know-you-type questions to a man she doesn?t want to know about. If she?s asking about your job, your family, your extra curricular activities, treat it like a job interview. You are being evaluated for compatibility and boyfriend potential.
So, forget everything you think you know about hair twirling and giggling. Grown women don?t behave that way. Dating can be tricky, especially at the start, but there?s no need to complicate things by trying to play it like a guessing game. Responding to simple social cues will save a lot of confusion for all involved. Uncomplicated relationship doesn?t have to be an oxymoron.
Tips For Forming Better Relationships
With very less real interaction in the bedroom and with rising interaction in boardrooms, a marriage becomes a bond of convenience.
Every marriage experiences ennui once in a while. The foundation of every relationship, especially marriage is friendship. And the foundation of every friendship is acceptance. When we're in the company of friends, we tend to throw up our feet and let our hair down. While most couples take the liberty of becoming complacent, we must also remember to create an atmosphere where our partners also have the liberty to be on their own.
Listening to spouse's woes can certainly create a strong bond. Even if a spouse is lamenting over one's own parent's behavior, listening and understanding can cement the bond. Being indebted to one's parents doesn't mean we refuse to see them in the light our partners perceive them. Our parents have walked a great length along with us and the rest of the journey has to be completed with our partner.
Pitching in daily affairs like caring for toddlers, like taking turns in changing nappies, looking after schoolwork of grown children, attending to convalescing in-laws, joking with a spouse's siblings or friends are things that can forge a stronger bond.
Joining in dinnertime conversations, discussing office politics, world affairs etc can also create a friendship. After all listening and conversation are the foundations of any good friendship. Here, non-judgmental listening is what is needed.
Like the way we never leave anything under the carpet, nothing in a relationship should be kept secret. Past issues, like hurts, insecurities, lies, etc should be brought out into the open and discussed. Couples must vow never to carry the previous day's hurts into a new day. Every day is a new day and yesterday's hurts should never mar today.
While it's easy to criticize a spouse, the best solution is to find a solution for a problem. While complaining, give a solution, an option too. Let it sound like a brainstorming session at work. And once in a while, it's wise to let the spouse let off steam. However, ensure that each partner gets to let off steam.
Communication is the keyword. Marriage requires an investment too. Exactly the way any friendship needs. Communicating appreciation, anger, joy etc can fortify a marriage. Dating each other without the children can be fun and revive your romance.
Like a plant that requires water, sunlight, soil, pruning and weeding, your marriage needs all these too. Marriage is the soil and love is the manure on which the plant flourishes. Sex is the regular watering that is essential for the plant to grow. The warmth of your appreciation cannot be underestimated. When you weed out, remember to weed out the third party from your marriage that includes your own parents and unwanted rivals. And when you prune, see that you don't uproot, and remember pruning always heralds new and luxuriant growth.
Every marriage experiences ennui once in a while. The foundation of every relationship, especially marriage is friendship. And the foundation of every friendship is acceptance. When we're in the company of friends, we tend to throw up our feet and let our hair down. While most couples take the liberty of becoming complacent, we must also remember to create an atmosphere where our partners also have the liberty to be on their own.
Listening to spouse's woes can certainly create a strong bond. Even if a spouse is lamenting over one's own parent's behavior, listening and understanding can cement the bond. Being indebted to one's parents doesn't mean we refuse to see them in the light our partners perceive them. Our parents have walked a great length along with us and the rest of the journey has to be completed with our partner.
Pitching in daily affairs like caring for toddlers, like taking turns in changing nappies, looking after schoolwork of grown children, attending to convalescing in-laws, joking with a spouse's siblings or friends are things that can forge a stronger bond.
Joining in dinnertime conversations, discussing office politics, world affairs etc can also create a friendship. After all listening and conversation are the foundations of any good friendship. Here, non-judgmental listening is what is needed.
Like the way we never leave anything under the carpet, nothing in a relationship should be kept secret. Past issues, like hurts, insecurities, lies, etc should be brought out into the open and discussed. Couples must vow never to carry the previous day's hurts into a new day. Every day is a new day and yesterday's hurts should never mar today.
While it's easy to criticize a spouse, the best solution is to find a solution for a problem. While complaining, give a solution, an option too. Let it sound like a brainstorming session at work. And once in a while, it's wise to let the spouse let off steam. However, ensure that each partner gets to let off steam.
Communication is the keyword. Marriage requires an investment too. Exactly the way any friendship needs. Communicating appreciation, anger, joy etc can fortify a marriage. Dating each other without the children can be fun and revive your romance.
Like a plant that requires water, sunlight, soil, pruning and weeding, your marriage needs all these too. Marriage is the soil and love is the manure on which the plant flourishes. Sex is the regular watering that is essential for the plant to grow. The warmth of your appreciation cannot be underestimated. When you weed out, remember to weed out the third party from your marriage that includes your own parents and unwanted rivals. And when you prune, see that you don't uproot, and remember pruning always heralds new and luxuriant growth.
Difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?
You know what is the difference between girls aged : 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
60 Ways To Keep Your Wife's Love, —Guaranteed—
1- Make her feel secure- don’t joke about divorcing her, this will put a hole in your marriage.
2- Always greet her whenever you arrive
3- Your wife is a fragile vessel so take care of her- In this vessel there is a lot of goodness so treat her in a gentle manner.
4- Advice her in privacy and the best timing. Don’t advice her in the presence of others, it can be a type of humility
5- Be generous with her
6- Move out of your way for her, when she’s coming to sit get up and let her sit on your seat tell her: ‘here honey sit I warmed up the seat for you’
7- Avoid anger.
8- Look good for her and smell great.
9- Don’t be rigid, you will be broken- just because you are a man doesn’t mean you have to be harsh hearted
10- Be a good listener
11- Say yes for flattering and no for arguing.
12- Call your wife with the best names she likes to hear.
13- Surprise her secretly. Ex: Bring her a watermelon when it’s not the season of watermelons. Pick and choose in surprising her, be an artist in surprising her pleasantly
14- Preserve the tongue
15- Accept her shortcomings/ everyone has one
16- Show your appreciation to her
17- Encourage her to be in touch with her kin relations
18- Speak topics of her interest.
19- Speak of her goodness in the presence of others
20- Shower her with gifts. give gifts and you’ll love each other’ MML It’s doesn’t matter how cheap or expensive the gift is, it’s the thought that counts!
21- Get rid of the same old routine once in a while, scrub the rust. Ex: Buy her ticket to a vacation cruise or something that she will enjoy.
22- Think good of her-
23- Ignore some of the words/actions you don’t like
24- Add a drop of patience- It can go a long way- i.e: at her time of pregnancy, menses…etc
25- Expect and respect her jealousy.
26- Be humble
27- Don’t put a price on her happiness.
28- Help her around household chores
29- You can’t force her to love her in laws, but help her respect and love your parents.
30- Show her that she is an ideal wife; each and every wife is an ideal wife in many ways, so make her feel that.
31- Make dua’a for her and always remember her in your dua’as
32- Leave her past
33- Don’t show her that you are doing favors by doing your duties
34- ****aan/Satan is your enemy NOT your wife!
35- When eating, don’t only feed yourself, feed her TOO! - Not only does it go to the stomach but to the heart too.
36- Look at her as a precious pearl, treat her and take care of her like a precious pearl
37- Speaking of pearlsà show her YOUR pearlsà SMILE! . Don’t put your smile out-of-service when you reach home! Don’t be rigid.
38- Don’t hold grudges. Deal with the littlest matters and don’t ignore them, it will build up and will create a wall between you and your wife.
39- Avoid being harsh hearted and moody.
40- Respect her thinking; her thinking strengthens you.
41- Help her discover/develop her skills and her success within
42- Respect the boundaries of the intimate relationship- it’s a fragile matter.
43- Help her with the children; it’s not only her job it’s yours too!
44- Complement her!-give her the gifts of the tongues-
45- Don’t be a stranger to her meals, know your wife’s meals, and eat her food.
46- Let her know when you are traveling don’t just disappear, and also let her know about your arrival.
47- When arguments arise, deal with it and don’t run away from it.
48- Don’t share your home secrets with your friends. Keep your privacy, and don’t make it a garage sale.
49- Encourage each other to worship together, listen to a lecture/recitation.-
50- Engrave her rights in your heart and in your conscious
51- Treat her with kindness through happiness and sorrow
52- Don’t jump on your wife like a ball!, in fact polish your love with many kisses- A kiss is a messenger-
53- When disputes happen between you and your wife, don’t go and share it with the whole world.-don’t leave your wounds open for the germs-
54- Show her that you care for her health.
55- Don’t think that you are right all the time!-No one Is perfect but the prophet (saw)-
56- Share you happiness and sorrow with her.
57- Have mercy on her.
58- Be the shoulder she can lean on!
59- Accept her as is, she’s a bent rib so don’t try to straighten it.
*Side note: A dear friend once said: “a bent rib cannot be straightened, and in fact the beauty of it lies within its curve!”
60- Have good intentions for your wife -
2- Always greet her whenever you arrive
3- Your wife is a fragile vessel so take care of her- In this vessel there is a lot of goodness so treat her in a gentle manner.
4- Advice her in privacy and the best timing. Don’t advice her in the presence of others, it can be a type of humility
5- Be generous with her
6- Move out of your way for her, when she’s coming to sit get up and let her sit on your seat tell her: ‘here honey sit I warmed up the seat for you’
7- Avoid anger.
8- Look good for her and smell great.
9- Don’t be rigid, you will be broken- just because you are a man doesn’t mean you have to be harsh hearted
10- Be a good listener
11- Say yes for flattering and no for arguing.
12- Call your wife with the best names she likes to hear.
13- Surprise her secretly. Ex: Bring her a watermelon when it’s not the season of watermelons. Pick and choose in surprising her, be an artist in surprising her pleasantly
14- Preserve the tongue
15- Accept her shortcomings/ everyone has one
16- Show your appreciation to her
17- Encourage her to be in touch with her kin relations
18- Speak topics of her interest.
19- Speak of her goodness in the presence of others
20- Shower her with gifts. give gifts and you’ll love each other’ MML It’s doesn’t matter how cheap or expensive the gift is, it’s the thought that counts!
21- Get rid of the same old routine once in a while, scrub the rust. Ex: Buy her ticket to a vacation cruise or something that she will enjoy.
22- Think good of her-
23- Ignore some of the words/actions you don’t like
24- Add a drop of patience- It can go a long way- i.e: at her time of pregnancy, menses…etc
25- Expect and respect her jealousy.
26- Be humble
27- Don’t put a price on her happiness.
28- Help her around household chores
29- You can’t force her to love her in laws, but help her respect and love your parents.
30- Show her that she is an ideal wife; each and every wife is an ideal wife in many ways, so make her feel that.
31- Make dua’a for her and always remember her in your dua’as
32- Leave her past
33- Don’t show her that you are doing favors by doing your duties
34- ****aan/Satan is your enemy NOT your wife!
35- When eating, don’t only feed yourself, feed her TOO! - Not only does it go to the stomach but to the heart too.
36- Look at her as a precious pearl, treat her and take care of her like a precious pearl
37- Speaking of pearlsà show her YOUR pearlsà SMILE! . Don’t put your smile out-of-service when you reach home! Don’t be rigid.
38- Don’t hold grudges. Deal with the littlest matters and don’t ignore them, it will build up and will create a wall between you and your wife.
39- Avoid being harsh hearted and moody.
40- Respect her thinking; her thinking strengthens you.
41- Help her discover/develop her skills and her success within
42- Respect the boundaries of the intimate relationship- it’s a fragile matter.
43- Help her with the children; it’s not only her job it’s yours too!
44- Complement her!-give her the gifts of the tongues-
45- Don’t be a stranger to her meals, know your wife’s meals, and eat her food.
46- Let her know when you are traveling don’t just disappear, and also let her know about your arrival.
47- When arguments arise, deal with it and don’t run away from it.
48- Don’t share your home secrets with your friends. Keep your privacy, and don’t make it a garage sale.
49- Encourage each other to worship together, listen to a lecture/recitation.-
50- Engrave her rights in your heart and in your conscious
51- Treat her with kindness through happiness and sorrow
52- Don’t jump on your wife like a ball!, in fact polish your love with many kisses- A kiss is a messenger-
53- When disputes happen between you and your wife, don’t go and share it with the whole world.-don’t leave your wounds open for the germs-
54- Show her that you care for her health.
55- Don’t think that you are right all the time!-No one Is perfect but the prophet (saw)-
56- Share you happiness and sorrow with her.
57- Have mercy on her.
58- Be the shoulder she can lean on!
59- Accept her as is, she’s a bent rib so don’t try to straighten it.
*Side note: A dear friend once said: “a bent rib cannot be straightened, and in fact the beauty of it lies within its curve!”
60- Have good intentions for your wife -
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Story Behind Lee Redmond's Loss of Record-Breaking Fingernails
Guinness World Records(TM) Unveils Exclusive Story Behind Lee Redmond's Loss of Record - Breaking Fingernails Utah Native Speaks Out After Tragic Car Accident That Robbed Her of 28 Foot Nails.68-year-old great grandmother Lee Redmond of Salt Lake City, Utah, USA, is undoubtedly one of the world's most popular record holders of all time. Having not cut her nails since 1979, she
entered the Guinness World Records book in 2002 for the world's longest fingernails on a female pair of hands.
Until now Lee has remained silent about the astonishing chapter in her life; how she has coped with her great loss; the reaction of friends and family and the impact that being stripped of her of her identity has had on her welfare, but she has given an exclusive quote to Guinness World Records about her touching story.
Her unique appearance and bright outlook on life won her a legion of fans throughout the world and she was proud to have achieved such an amazing feat. However, after nurturing and taking care of her nails for 30 years, in February this year, Lee was involved in a car accident which tragically robbed her of her 8.65-m-long (28-ft 4-in) nails and left her with serious but
non-life-threatening injuries.
Although deeply moved by the loss of her nails, which aside from her family, were her most cherished possessions, Lee's remarkable recovery is testament to her great strength of character and the love and support she received from friends and loved ones. Now acknowledging that "there's more to life than nails," Lee has embraced life more than ever as she faces the world, in her words, as an almost completely new person.
In recognition of her record-breaking achievements over the years, and with her full blessing, the 2010 edition of Guinness World Records will carry a striking photograph of Lee pictured alongside fellow American Melvin Booth, the male owner of the longest finger nails (9.05-m-long/29ft 8in), which was taken just a few months prior to her accident.
Craig Glenday, Editor-in-Chief of Guinness World Records, said: "We were saddened to hear the news in February that Lee Redmond had been involved in a car accident, and as a beautiful tribute are delighted to be including the amazing picture of Lee and Melvin in this year's edition. Lee is a truly incredible woman who has had a difficult year and this serves as a celebration
of her amazing dedication to the world of record breaking."
Lee has two sons, a daughter, two granddaughters and two grandsons. She is also a proud great-grandmother to two beloved great-grandchildren. Her fingernails are currently 11.5cm/4.5in in length.
Lee Redmond says: "Losing my fingernails has been the most dramatic thing that's happened in my life. I think it was my grandson that said: 'Grandma, they are like your baby: you've taken care of them for 30 years and lost them in a second.' But then when you think about it, you know our whole life could end in a second, not just part of the body, but your whole life."
"The thing that bothered me with losing the fingernails, was that it becomes your identity and I felt like I'd lost part of that, yet I would always say when people would make comments about my fingernails, you know there's more to me than my fingernails."
She continues: "People ask if I'm gonna grow them again and I say, no, it was a once time thing. It took me 30 years to grow them and to get them to that length and they became the world record and I probably won't live for thirty more years."
Remembering the day she met Melvin Booth for the historic photograph Lee said, "I have very, very fond memories from Melvin, he touched my life. He also broke my heart, to see this man who wouldn't even go out of his home. Tears when I left, both he and I. I hope that some day he will realise that he's more than his fingernails. . . I think the difference between Melvin and me,
for one thing they didn't keep me from going out in public, and they didn't make me be secluded. I would have never, never chose to keep them if they would have had to keep me away from people or you know, living whatever normal is you know. I hope he will decide to go out and interact with people and I'm sure that he felt the love that I had for him and respect. It wasn't his fingernails; it was him that I cared for."
Lee concludes: "After the accident, not my children, but my great grand babies, they wanted me to glue them back on! I always did everything with them, but now it's so much easier to do things now. The weight is so different, so much. In fact my hands seem to fly with the weight gone."
Lee Redmond's Loss of Record - Breaking Fingernails Utah Native Speaks Out After Tragic Car Accident That Robbed Her of 28 Foot Nails - exclusive interview Video
Notes to editors
About Guinness World Records 2010:
Guinness World Records 2010 celebrates the first ten years of the 21st century in style. Subtitled "The Book of the Decade", the new edition of the world's best-selling copyright book is packed full of fascinating new content and unique features that recognise the greatest record-breaking achievements of the "noughties," including the "Top 100 Records of the Decade," links to downloadable material, brand new photography and a "Record of the Day" feature.
About Guinness World Records:
Guinness World Records is the universally recognized authority on record-breaking achievement. First published in 1955, the annual Guinness World Records book is published in more than 100 countries and 25 languages and is the highest-selling books under copyright of all time with more than 3 million copies sold annually across the globe.
Guinness World Records
celebrated its 50th anniversary edition in 2004, a year after the sale of its 100 millionth copy. Guinness World Records also annually publishes the Gamer's Edition; a records book devoted solely to the world of computer gaming and high score record achievements. The Guinness World Records website (www.guinnessworldrecords.com) receives more than 11 million visitors a year. Guinness World Records is part of the Jim Pattison Group, one of Canada's largest privately owned companies which is a conglomerate of interests, including advertising, broadcasting, grocery stores and automotive retailing.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
10 Things Men Can Learn From Women
Lesson No. 1: Emotional quotient
They might call us overtly emotional, but that’s one thing that adds meaning to life. Ace director Kalpana Lajmi says, “Men lack that maternal perspective. They can’t see things the way a woman does, enriching every relationship with depth, a healing touch and compassion. If men learn that, then the relationship between men and women would be quite easy.”
Suchitra Pillai, actor, says, "One thing that men should learn from women is to be more in touch with their emotions. This would include being aware of mood swings the partner faces. It would make questions like ‘Are you upset?’ redundant. Women can teach men by not hiding their own emotions."
Rakhi Sawant, item girl, says, "Women have a lot of emotional strength. They can do a lot that men can’t even dream of. It’s wrongly believed that men are stronger than women. Whenever there is a crisis, it's men get depressed, lose their confidence and approach their lady for comfort.
Lesson No. 2: Think about the other’s pleasure as well
Now, this one goes for men who are obsessed with their own single-minded pursuit of happiness.
Alka Pandey, author, Kamasutra for Women says, “Treating the other as equal becomes all the more important when it comes to your chemistry in bed. Men must understand that a woman’s pleasure is as important as a man’s.”
Lesson No. 3: Endurance
Well, you’ll never tag us as constant cribbers once you learn this art, which we are quite good at.
Singer Shibani Kashyap says, “They might be physically stronger than us, but when it comes to emotional endurance, men still have a long way to go.”
Mehar Bhasin, says, “Men certainly need to learn the ability to be patient in any situation – be it workplace pressure, ego clashes, selfishness, pride, etc. Women take longer to react because they know that men are impulsive. She knows how to be patient in all walks of life. Be it a mother waiting for her child’s results, a wife waiting for her husband to apologise for harsh words, or a girlfriend waiting for a commitment – men need that inner patience to deal with trying situations.”
Lesson No. 4: Respect woman
Guys, you better remember to dish it out otherwise you know where your relationship is heading!
Actress Mahima Choudhary says, “They expect us to respect their clan, while they can’t even respect us. So, this is one lesson men should learn from women, particularly Indian men!”
Lesson No: 5: To multitask & balance
Now, this one’s a hit! Most women would love their men getting into the multitasking groove just like themselves.
Actress Shefali Shah says, “Men can focus on just one subject at a time and that’s so irritating at times. And to add to the irritation they either focus on cricket, work or buddies. So, I think they should learn the art of balancing it well.”
Gurdip Kohli, TV actor, says, "A sense of balance is the biggest quality that a man can pick up from a woman. A man must discover the experience of trying to juggle personal and professional lives. Since I'm married now, I can see how important it is to achieve a balance between your work and home. Unfortunately, men don’t really understand this, so they need to be more efficient at balancing priorities."
Lesson No: 6: Forgive
This otherwise not so emotional breed will suddenly become the worst emotional blackmailers the moment they catch you on the wrong foot. They would either not forgive you and if at all they do, they’ll make you feel guilty forever!
TV actress Tina Parekh says, “The day men learn to forgive and move on, there won’t be any fights between husbands and wives.”
Lesson No. 7: There’s more to sex than just being physical
Well, all the women who have been there and done that would agree that men get into the act for the act’s sake, while a woman gets into the act for sheer togetherness.
Sandhya Mulchandani, author, Indian Erotica says, “Women give their whole self to the experience, while men just consider it a physical thing. So, if men learn to get more generous when it comes to foreplay and let emotions seep in while having sex rather than getting anxious about performance, bedroom relations will be much better.”
Lesson No. 8: Sense of commitment
It won’t be wrong to say that men are almost allergic to commitment. Be it sticking to a job, a partner or for that matter anything, they need a great deal of perseverance to make up their mind.
Playback singer Alka Yagnik says, “Apparently, a man needs to learn everything from a woman – with commitment topping the list. Women exhibit a higher level of efficiency in everything they attach themselves to. So, I feel a man can learn this ‘sense of commitment’ in whatever they do from a woman.”
Lesson No: 9: Devotion
Truly, hopelessly devoted — now, that’s a tough one for men!
Director Tanuja Chandra says, “Women have this innate ability to be generous when it comes to devoting themselves to their near ones. They are impeccable when it comes to investing emotionally to the other’s concerns. Unfortunately, men lack that.”
Lesson No: 10: Kill that ego
They’ll definitely find this one hard to digest. After all, they think they’re always right!
Actress Juhi Babbar says, “It’s high time they realised that they are dependent upon their wives and mothers. So, better kill that ego and love each other for whatever roles God has made us.”
They might call us overtly emotional, but that’s one thing that adds meaning to life. Ace director Kalpana Lajmi says, “Men lack that maternal perspective. They can’t see things the way a woman does, enriching every relationship with depth, a healing touch and compassion. If men learn that, then the relationship between men and women would be quite easy.”
Suchitra Pillai, actor, says, "One thing that men should learn from women is to be more in touch with their emotions. This would include being aware of mood swings the partner faces. It would make questions like ‘Are you upset?’ redundant. Women can teach men by not hiding their own emotions."
Rakhi Sawant, item girl, says, "Women have a lot of emotional strength. They can do a lot that men can’t even dream of. It’s wrongly believed that men are stronger than women. Whenever there is a crisis, it's men get depressed, lose their confidence and approach their lady for comfort.
Lesson No. 2: Think about the other’s pleasure as well
Now, this one goes for men who are obsessed with their own single-minded pursuit of happiness.
Alka Pandey, author, Kamasutra for Women says, “Treating the other as equal becomes all the more important when it comes to your chemistry in bed. Men must understand that a woman’s pleasure is as important as a man’s.”
Lesson No. 3: Endurance
Well, you’ll never tag us as constant cribbers once you learn this art, which we are quite good at.
Singer Shibani Kashyap says, “They might be physically stronger than us, but when it comes to emotional endurance, men still have a long way to go.”
Mehar Bhasin, says, “Men certainly need to learn the ability to be patient in any situation – be it workplace pressure, ego clashes, selfishness, pride, etc. Women take longer to react because they know that men are impulsive. She knows how to be patient in all walks of life. Be it a mother waiting for her child’s results, a wife waiting for her husband to apologise for harsh words, or a girlfriend waiting for a commitment – men need that inner patience to deal with trying situations.”
Lesson No. 4: Respect woman
Guys, you better remember to dish it out otherwise you know where your relationship is heading!
Actress Mahima Choudhary says, “They expect us to respect their clan, while they can’t even respect us. So, this is one lesson men should learn from women, particularly Indian men!”
Lesson No: 5: To multitask & balance
Now, this one’s a hit! Most women would love their men getting into the multitasking groove just like themselves.
Actress Shefali Shah says, “Men can focus on just one subject at a time and that’s so irritating at times. And to add to the irritation they either focus on cricket, work or buddies. So, I think they should learn the art of balancing it well.”
Gurdip Kohli, TV actor, says, "A sense of balance is the biggest quality that a man can pick up from a woman. A man must discover the experience of trying to juggle personal and professional lives. Since I'm married now, I can see how important it is to achieve a balance between your work and home. Unfortunately, men don’t really understand this, so they need to be more efficient at balancing priorities."
Lesson No: 6: Forgive
This otherwise not so emotional breed will suddenly become the worst emotional blackmailers the moment they catch you on the wrong foot. They would either not forgive you and if at all they do, they’ll make you feel guilty forever!
TV actress Tina Parekh says, “The day men learn to forgive and move on, there won’t be any fights between husbands and wives.”
Lesson No. 7: There’s more to sex than just being physical
Well, all the women who have been there and done that would agree that men get into the act for the act’s sake, while a woman gets into the act for sheer togetherness.
Sandhya Mulchandani, author, Indian Erotica says, “Women give their whole self to the experience, while men just consider it a physical thing. So, if men learn to get more generous when it comes to foreplay and let emotions seep in while having sex rather than getting anxious about performance, bedroom relations will be much better.”
Lesson No. 8: Sense of commitment
It won’t be wrong to say that men are almost allergic to commitment. Be it sticking to a job, a partner or for that matter anything, they need a great deal of perseverance to make up their mind.
Playback singer Alka Yagnik says, “Apparently, a man needs to learn everything from a woman – with commitment topping the list. Women exhibit a higher level of efficiency in everything they attach themselves to. So, I feel a man can learn this ‘sense of commitment’ in whatever they do from a woman.”
Lesson No: 9: Devotion
Truly, hopelessly devoted — now, that’s a tough one for men!
Director Tanuja Chandra says, “Women have this innate ability to be generous when it comes to devoting themselves to their near ones. They are impeccable when it comes to investing emotionally to the other’s concerns. Unfortunately, men lack that.”
Lesson No: 10: Kill that ego
They’ll definitely find this one hard to digest. After all, they think they’re always right!
Actress Juhi Babbar says, “It’s high time they realised that they are dependent upon their wives and mothers. So, better kill that ego and love each other for whatever roles God has made us.”
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Women With Persistent Cough? Check Their Iron Levels
The study, presented at the scientific meeting of the American College of Chest Physicians in Chicago, suggests iron deficiency may help explain why some otherwise healthy, non-smoking women had persistent coughs.
Tests on women with chronic coughs and iron deficiency showed that a simple iron supplement often cleared up the cough, said Dr Caterina Bucca of the University of Turin and colleagues.
Bucca said women also are more likely than men to suffer from otherwise unexplained chronic coughs. "We put the two together," Bucca said in a telephone interview. "Cough is much more frequent in women and iron deficiency is very frequent in women due to pregnancy and menses." In addition, immune function can be affected by iron deficiency, which is defined as having low iron levels, sometimes to the point of anaemia.
Bucca and colleagues studied 16 women with chronic cough who were found to have normal lung function, with no signs of asthma or other respiratory disease and no evidence of acid stomach reflux that could explain their coughing.
All had iron deficiencies. And they all had signs of swelling in the back of the mouth and red, inflamed mucous membranes. Their vocal cords were also very sensitive, making them cough and choke easily, such as after vigorous laughing.
Bucca gave these women iron supplements to improve their iron stores. When these had normalised - after about two months - they were checked again. After iron supplementation, coughing and signs of inflammation in the mouth and vocal cords were improved or completely resolved. "I found the hypersensitivity was nearly gone or vastly improved in all of the women," Bucca said.
Because iron helps regulate the production of proteins in the immune system that control inflammation, an iron deficiency might make the upper airway more prone to inflammation, leading to this chronic cough, Bucca reasoned. She plans to study this association further, but she urges doctors who are stumped by women patients with chronic coughs to check for iron deficiency. (Julie Steenhuysen, Independent Online)
Divorce: 5 Things You Didn't Know
This backlash doesn't mean the public has developed a distaste for the divorce-related details of others -- not on your life. The divorcing parties themselves don't even need to be all that intriguing. Consider the insatiable interest in the unfolding split between Jon and Kate Gosselin, two of the most uninteresting and unsympathetic people imaginable. Pathos are better spent on their eight kids, whose world -- which used to revolve around themselves, appropriately -- will soon revolve around other, less attentive worlds created by an ugly divorce, like revolving custody, revolving stability and daddy's revolving girlfriends.
As yet another marriage is torn asunder, we offer up 5 things you didn't know about divorce.
1- Born-again Christians have the highest divorce rate
The first thing you didn't know about divorce is that some predictors of divorce need to be shouted from the mountain top.
A study by Barna Research Group found that the 33% divorce rate among born-again Christians, or evangelicals, was the highest among Christian denominations. Not surprisingly, these results met with a flood of criticism, much of which raised one of the most disputed questions in this field: What is the biggest predictor of divorce among the broader population, the most common of all the common denominators?
The answer generally depends on who you ask, but two predictors frequently mentioned are first, age at marriage and second, income -- notably, couples under age 20 with an income under $25,000 have a very high risk of divorcing. Throw in a pregnancy, and they're pretty much doomed.
2- The average divorce costs over $50,000
The popular legal DIY site legalzoom.com tells potential customers that divorce "doesn't have to be complicated or costly" and that their services can wrap up an uncontested divorce "in three simple steps," all for $299.
What that fee does not cover (and doesn't purport to cover) are all the hidden costs. Using a variety of statistics from the 2006 US Census Bureau, divorce360.com came to an average figure for those hidden costs: about $53,000. While admitting that every divorce is different, the site nonetheless reached that figure by adding up costs such as couples/marriage therapy before the divorce, individual therapy for themselves and their children after divorce, moving costs, fees for attorneys and financial advisors, the costs of selling the marital home, of acquiring a new mortgage on a smaller home for one spouse, and apartment rental costs for the other spouse.
Point being, there's far more to divorce than three simple steps.
3- Liberal divorce laws often follow political revolutions
Another thing you didn't know about divorce is that it had a role in killing or overthrowing the likes of Louis XVI, George III and Tsar Nicholas II.
Divorce has a chummy relationship with radical politics and the revolutions they bring about, according to Canadian historian Roderick Phillips. In Putting Asunder, his account of divorce in the West, he notes three examples: the slew of pro-divorce legislation that followed the American Revolution; the enactment in France in 1792 of history's first no-fault divorce laws following the French Revolution; and Vladimir Lenin's relaxed divorce laws in the wake of the Russian Revolution.
4- Divorces have been in decline everywhere but Utah
The 50% divorce rate among American couples is an oft-cited myth, but in fact, US divorces have been in a slow, steady decline since 1979. In the last few years, however, the people of Utah have seemed determined to buck that trend, as they are the only state in which the number of divorce filings have not fallen.
To their credit, Utah's legislators have decided to do something about it. In 2007, they passed HB 128, the nation's first divorce orientation legislation. Among other things, the bill established a mandatory divorce orientation course for couples filing for divorce. The bill doesn’t really make it all that much harder to get a divorce in Utah; rather, it creates an optional intermediate step prior to filing, one that, it can be assumed, is meant to get couples to reconsider.
5- Divorce is a product of the Protestant Reformation
The last thing you didn't know about divorce is who to blame for making it all possible in the first place.
Prior to Martin Luther's Protestant Reformation, Western society's attitudes about marriage were guided strictly by Catholic marriage doctrine and its only out -- an annulment. Reformers rejected that doctrine, first by citing shaky New Testament scripture and then by claiming that annulments were so widespread and so easy to get that they were pretty much the same thing as divorces. The arguments were so weak that not even King Henry VIII -- arguably history's first serial divorcer -- stopped persecuting Reformers, even after splitting his country with the Roman Catholic Church.
Still, the end consequence is that, although marriage has retained ties to its sacred past (i.e. weddings in churches, officiated by the clergy), divorce has developed into a purely secular affair.
Resources:
http://pewforum.org/
http://le.utah.gov/
www.nytimes.com/
www.divorce360.com/
www.legalzoom.com/
www.highbeam.com/
Monday, September 14, 2009
5 Things You Didn't Know: Women
And now, 5 things you didn’t know about women.
1- Women get blue balls
No one said you needed balls for them to go blue.
What are "blue balls," anyway? During sexual arousal, blood floods the genitals through dilated blood vessels, then struggles to leave the area because those departing vessels constrict -- this is known as vascocongestion. In men, the visible results are an erection and larger testicles. Orgasm and ejaculation (or a little time) will return things to normal, but if the vascocongestion is prolonged, pain and discomfort can set in -- enter the term "blue balls."
In women, vascocongestion operates in very much the same way, and if prolonged and unrelieved by an orgasm similar pain, heaviness or discomfort can affect them as well. However, whether the genders experience the same levels of discomfort is unknown. We only know that young men and women have been falsely socialized to think that male blue balls absolutely need to be relieved via orgasm, ideally with female assistance.
2- Female mechanics get paid more than male mechanics
In most professional fields women get the shaft, wage and salary-wise, often only earning three-fourths what men do. However, there’s money to be had in professions where women traditionally do not tread. One of the more lucrative jobs is as an auto mechanic, where women can earn almost one-third more than men.
Why are women rewarded this way as automotive service technicians and mechanics? For the answer we revert to stereotypes: Women are more verbal than men, they’re easier to approach and to talk to, and both genders agree that women instill more trust in others -- at least with car trouble.
3- One in 10 women has never had an orgasm
Science can’t say why this is the case, and if it ever does, the answer won’t apply to all of those women who have never had an orgasm. Yet, it seems, no one can even be certain as to why women orgasm in the first place. The fact that so many women can’t have one supports the notion that the female orgasm is not evolutionary, nor connected to reproductive success or fertility -- otherwise Darwin would’ve nudged them out long ago.
Dr. Eva Martin hints at perhaps one aspect of the issue, saying that the female sex drive is “guided by a complicated system of signals between the brain, the ovaries and other reproductive sexual organs. A healthy brain, more than a healthy body, dictates a woman's desire for sex.”
Ladies, learn from us: It does not have to be so complicated. In 1985’s Bachelor Party, actor Adrian Zmed aptly summed up the only thing necessary to ramp up the male sex drive with the line, “Gentlemen, start your boners.”
4- Women buy more cars than men
Another thing you didn’t know about women is that they are overtaking the car industry. The showroom damsel in distress, long a target of unscrupulous car salesmen, is becoming a thing of the past.
According to some estimates, women are driving off the lots with 52% of all new cars and 53% of used ones and carmakers are reflecting women's many preferences in new models every year. On average, women also spend three weeks longer than men on the car-buying process, displaying either a more thorough, attentive approach to car shopping or just a more thorough, attentive approach to shopping in general.
5- Women prefer unfaithful spouses to have meaningless sex
A word of warning to all the guys out there contemplating an affair: If you must cheat, keep in mind that whatever you do and whoever you do, don’t fall in love. Women in general have an "easier"’ time (for lack of a better term) coping with your one night of meaningless sex than they do if you've developed emotional feelings for the woman.
The opposite is true for men: meaningless sex is devastating to us. Women who cheat and develop emotional attachments -- or who don’t cheat per se but develop emotional bonds with another man -- are less likely to permanently damage their current relationship.
5 Things You Didn't Know About Breasts
One possible answer could be that we’ve created alternate terms as a means of subverting a topic that’s considered taboo. This purpose is especially applicable in America, where family values, proper neonatal care and breast frenzy have collided to form a prudish, hypocritical function of titillation. So, echoing throughout America is this sentiment: ”Don’t bare them in public if your goal is to feed an infant; that’s a distasteful turnoff.”
In the interest of defending us guys, here’s another reason why we have so many terms of endearment: We treasure breasts, and we esteem them, and we want to do our level best to express that appreciation in our own terms.
This appreciation of ours has some evolutionary backing. Humans are the only primate with breasts that are permanently swollen, while others only swell during lactation. Since women don’t show any outward signs of ovulation, this suggests, at very least, that breasts play a role in natural selection -- they indicate a visible degree of fertility. In light of so many ancient fertility symbols that feature a woman in need of underwire support, it certainly makes sense.
Rest assured, we aim to educate and present you with five things you didn’t know about breasts. However, like the fact that they’re modified sweat glands, there are things you may not want to know.
1- Women with breast implants are more likely to suicide
A 15-year study carried out chiefly at Laval University in Quebec, Canada, and published in the American Journal of Epidemiology found a 73% higher rate of suicide among women with breast implants over a control group.
Of course, the breast implants themselves aren’t leading to suicidal tendencies; rather, the desire to get augmentation may be symptomatic of an underlying mental condition, such as low self-esteem, depression or body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). Women may opt for implants if they regard larger breasts as a means of gaining confidence or overcoming other personal issues. Unfortunately for these women, another study, this one out of the Department of Psychology at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, concluded that people with issues like BDD “typically do not benefit from cosmetic procedures.”
2- Some women can reach orgasm via breast stimulation
The idea that women can achieve orgasm via breast stimulation alone has been put forward by Marshall Miller and Dorian Solot, a pair of high-profile sex educators and the authors of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide. According to their findings, about 1% of women report the ability to achieve orgasm through manual stimulation of their breasts. As usual, another statistic that further contributes to the mystery of the female orgasm.
For the benefit of everyone, that 1% should speak up and let the world in on their breast-kept secret.
3- Breast fetishism is considered a psychiatric disorder
Leave it to the American Psychiatric Association (APA) to call it a fetish (in the fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). However, since fetishism can be defined as “the use of nonsexual or nonliving objects or part of a person's body to gain sexual excitement,” the APA is right.
In that case, it might be the official psychiatric disorder of the American people, but don’t hold your breath for a presidential proclamation any time soon. As intimated in the introduction, Americans love breasts, but we have a hard time admitting it. Our secretive admiration for breasts is nicely illustrated by the Atlanta-based restaurant chain Hooters. The company’s website admits that “many consider ‘Hooters’ a slang term for a portion of the female anatomy. Hooters does have an owl inside its logo and uses an owl theme sufficiently to allow debate to occur over the meaning's intent.”
Owl-themed? Give it up, man. Their two-page menu features eight sets of breasts and one owl. In fact, it features as many crab legs as owls. While it might not be any more palatable to call the place Crabs than it is to embrace the fetish and call it Nipple Diner, this consistent and tiring prudery in the form of double entendre is both sad and juvenile.
4- Statistically the left one is bigger
This is according to a study published in the Annals of Plastic Surgery that looked at the breasts of just under 600 women. As their breasts grow and develop during puberty and beyond, one of the chief concerns girls have, and something that causes them way more grief than is necessary, is over one being bigger or smaller than the other.
Of course, there is no such thing as a perfectly symmetrical set of breasts; there are only sets that appear more symmetrical than others.
5- Men can also lactate
Yes, Virginia, there really is such a thing as a lactating male nipple.
The good news is that spontaneous lactation in men is exceedingly rare. Instead, when men do lactate, it is usually brought on by a drug hormone regimen prescribed to treat some unrelated condition. What’s going on is fairly basic: Men have mammary glands just like women, and some cancer treatments require estrogen, which means that men who are receiving a certain type of cancer treatment may lactate.
There seems to be some scant and altogether dubious precedent for men serving as wet nurses, as well as men who breastfeed their children (appropriately enough, they're called ”milkmen”), but it is lacking any clinical foundation and appears at best anecdotal. It might be best to keep it that way.
Resources:
http://en.wikipedia.org
www.sexualityeducation.com
www.hooters.com
www.unassistedchildbirth.com
www.livescience.com www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Win Girlfriend Back – Tips & Ideas You Can Use
If your girl has just walked away from your relationship and you are desperately looking for ways to win girlfriend back, then don’t look to romance movies for answers, as the techniques in movies only work in Hollywood.
If you want to win a girlfriend back the first thing you have to do is not put out a clingy or needy image. Most women are not attracted to these types of guys, and if you have already been through a breakup, the last thing you want to do is appear unattractive to her.
The better alternative to win your girlfriend back is to not send flowers, drive by her house or call her on the phone several times a day. This will do nothing but drive her further away. If it appears that you are ignoring her, she will begin to get curious as to why you are not trying to contact her, and she’ll call you. This is what you want to happen if you want to win back you’re ex girlfriend.
The best way to win back a girlfriend is to make her getting back together with you, her idea. As soon as she figures that you are done with her and moving on with your life, she’ll start to yearn to have you back, especially if she is aware of the fact that you are maybe seeing other women. This will drive her absolutely crazy, and she’ll start chasing you.
This is what you want.
When you do start dating, do not call her up and enlighten her to the fact that you now have a new woman in your life. She’ll see through this effort and it will only make her angry. It is better that she finds out by accidentally coming across you on a date, or maybe by hearing about your dates through other people. This way it will appear as if you have no interest in what her feelings are about you dating.
If your ex has any feelings left for you, it is almost a sure bet that within days of hearing about your escapades she will be on the phone to you, or stopping by to see how you are doing.
At this point if you want to win back your girlfriend, do not jump at the chance to ask her back; let her suggest it and even then, you may want to tell her that you need to think about it.
Give her a chance to wonder if she has lost you forever, and when you do get back together she’ll value your relationship even more.
Some of these ideas may seem extreme and make no mistake following these tips will be difficult. But remember this is only tips. How or what you feel in your heart or mind is something only you will know.
So make no mistake that I give these tips to help you if things you tried before or are busy trying are not working for you. So by giving you some extreme measures or ideas does not by any way diminish the fact that going through a breakup and wanting to win your ex girlfriend back is difficult and hard.
If you want to win a girlfriend back the first thing you have to do is not put out a clingy or needy image. Most women are not attracted to these types of guys, and if you have already been through a breakup, the last thing you want to do is appear unattractive to her.
The better alternative to win your girlfriend back is to not send flowers, drive by her house or call her on the phone several times a day. This will do nothing but drive her further away. If it appears that you are ignoring her, she will begin to get curious as to why you are not trying to contact her, and she’ll call you. This is what you want to happen if you want to win back you’re ex girlfriend.
The best way to win back a girlfriend is to make her getting back together with you, her idea. As soon as she figures that you are done with her and moving on with your life, she’ll start to yearn to have you back, especially if she is aware of the fact that you are maybe seeing other women. This will drive her absolutely crazy, and she’ll start chasing you.
This is what you want.
When you do start dating, do not call her up and enlighten her to the fact that you now have a new woman in your life. She’ll see through this effort and it will only make her angry. It is better that she finds out by accidentally coming across you on a date, or maybe by hearing about your dates through other people. This way it will appear as if you have no interest in what her feelings are about you dating.
If your ex has any feelings left for you, it is almost a sure bet that within days of hearing about your escapades she will be on the phone to you, or stopping by to see how you are doing.
At this point if you want to win back your girlfriend, do not jump at the chance to ask her back; let her suggest it and even then, you may want to tell her that you need to think about it.
Give her a chance to wonder if she has lost you forever, and when you do get back together she’ll value your relationship even more.
Some of these ideas may seem extreme and make no mistake following these tips will be difficult. But remember this is only tips. How or what you feel in your heart or mind is something only you will know.
So make no mistake that I give these tips to help you if things you tried before or are busy trying are not working for you. So by giving you some extreme measures or ideas does not by any way diminish the fact that going through a breakup and wanting to win your ex girlfriend back is difficult and hard.
How To Save Your Marriage
There was a time when you would have given your life for your spouse. But no more. Now you are wondering whether it is even possible to save your marriage. This report looks at why marriages fail and what you can do to save yours if that is your desired course of action.
The theme of this report is that you can sometimes do everything “right” according to the experts but still end up failing. Or, you can do things unconventionally and actually save your marriage.
You should know that if you handle the marriage crisis badly, you significantly increase your chances of ending up divorced.
Divorce Statistics
That’s why there will be 1 million divorces in the United States this year. Some people like to point out that the divorce rate is actually declining, however slightly. But this is actually a misnomer. The divorce rate per 10,000 people has gone from 42 per 10,000 people to 36 per 10,000 people in this decade. However - and this is important - the number of married people in this time period have declined significantly. Today, 8.1 percent of households consist of unmarried heterosexual couples.
Sweden has the highest percentage of new marriages that end in divorce at almost 55 percent. In the U.S., the chance of a marriage ending in divorce is 45.8 percent. For comparison, in India, that figure stands at just 1.1 percent.
Second and third marriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages. The theory is that people who haven’t succeeded once are more likely to make mistakes again. In any case, the divorce rate in America for first marriages is 41 percent. That jumps to 60 percent for second marriages and 73 percent for third marriages.
The age at which people get married also impacts the likelihood of success. One third of women who get married before they are 24 will end up divorced. However, only 5 percent of women who get married for the first time after age 35 will get divorced. However, the number of women who get married for the first time after 35 is quite small.
Why Marriages Fail
Top 10 Reasons Why Marriages Fail
#10 - Not Doing the Little Things - Movies shows marriages as grand loves. But, in the real world, marriages are made up of the little things - taking out the trash, picking up the kids from school. If there are frustrations over the little things, it can erode the whole marriage.
# 9 - Sweating the small stuff - As a counterpoint, if you stress out over unimportant things, you are dooming your marriage to the dumpster.
#8 - Spending too much time apart - If friends, work, or hobbies take too much time away from your marriage, the bonds can begin to erode.
#7 - Criticizing and nagging - These two things can eat away at the soul of a marriage.
#6 - Not consulting the other person about purchases - The family budget must cover the family needs. If one person makes purchases that significantly impact the overall budget without consulting the other person, there is going to be hurt and anger.
#5 - Letting yourself go - You spent a considerable amount of effort pursuing and attracting your spouse. That effort shouldn’t have ended on your wedding day or soon thereafter. If you are no longer working to make yourself attractive to your spouse, you must assume that he or she will look elsewhere.
#4 - Playing the victim - Is it always his fault? Did she make you do it? If you feel like you are the victim in the relationship, it probably won’t last much longer.
#3 - Not fighting fair - You are entitled to your legitimate feelings, but when disagreements occur, you must keep your arguments real and relevant. Avoid character assassination. Remain task oriented rather than accusatory. And, allow your partner to retreat with dignity.
#2 - Spilling secrets - There are things in your marriage that should only be between the two of you. When you tell your friends or family members about things that shouldn’t be shared, you erode the bonds of the marriage. This is a matter of trust.
#1 - No sex - When the sex has gone out of the marriage, the relationship is in trouble. Unless you can rekindle the flame, you are probably headed to divorce court.
You can be both “right” and “miserable”
Too often we think that it’s important to be right. But, it is possible to be both right and miserable.
Susan’s husband Jim had an affair with a colleague after she miscarried. Now, admittedly, this was a crummy thing to do.
Susan was devastated by the loss of the baby and had real concerns that she would never be able to have a child. As a result of her physical and emotional condition, she withdrew sexually.
Jim, too, was affected by the miscarriage. He felt that he had to comfort Susan and couldn’t turn to her for support. Instead, he found a sexually attractive woman at work who did not need him emotionally for anything.
Susan is obviously “right” to be outraged that Jim would cheat on her at this low part of her life. But, being the martyr doesn’t help her be happy.
Jim has apologized and said that he would do anything to make the situation right.
Now Susan has to decide whether to forgive him and heal their marriage. As long as she clings to the idea that she is the “wronged” party, she will be miserable. If she can give up that idea, she has a chance at making her marriage work. The ball is actually in her court.
Susan will never forget the miscarriage or the affair that happened after it. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness means letting go of the intense emotions associated with the event.
This is very important, read this several times: forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision.
Whatever the rift that has come between you and your spouse, if you want to make the marriage work, you have to let go of all of the hurt. Make peace. Make up. Make love.
The Walk Away Wife Syndrome
Any divorce lawyer will tell you that he gets a certain amount of male clients who come in stunned that they have been served with divorce papers. “Everything was just perfect,” they will say, “and then she decided to divorce me.” These men are genuinely stunned at what has happened to them. In fact, they believe that their marriage has only gotten better in recent times.
The reason that divorce lawyers see this all of the time is because there is a pattern to the behavior. Some therapists have called it the “Walk Away Wife Syndrome.”
In the early stages of most relationships, the wife is the emotional caretaker. It falls to her to initiate conversations about “where this relationship is going” and “how can we improve intimacy.” The man is bored with these subjects and relegates them to the female arena.
So, the woman will initiate conversations (sometimes this will look and feel if the husband is not responsive). The wife complains about the husband’s lack of responsiveness, at which point he retreats. This makes the woman bring up the conversation anew.
As you can imagine, there are a lot of fights during this period.
At some point, the woman gives up. She stops her role as emotional caretaker. She starts looking for a way out of the marriage. If she has children, she will be especially cautious about finding a way to financially support them.
The ironic thing is that during this period, the fights will subside. The wife has given up, so there is no reason to engage the husband any longer. The husband sees this lull in fighting as meaning that things are improving.
Once the wife has figured out how to proceed with her life emotionally and financially, she serves her husband with divorce papers. This is when the guy walks into a divorce lawyer’s office and says “everything was going just perfectly…”
The point here is that when you stop fighting, things haven’t necessarily improved. In fact, this could be the most dangerous point of a relationship. Men who are too clueless to know that their wife has withdrawn from the relationship are often surprised when it ends.
How to Deal With the Walk Away Wife Syndrome If You Are A Man
If you are a man who has been surprised by a divorce when you thought everything was going fine, you have to find a way to reengage your wife.
First of all, you have to acknowledge that her needs were not being met, even if yours were.
Secondly, you need to realize that she has the right to walk away. Almost every state in the U.S. has some form of “no fault” divorce, though it can be called by other names. That means that you can’t control her behavior. You can only change your own.
Once you have addressed the fact that she had needs you weren’t meeting and that she has the personal power to walk away, you can formulate a plan of action.
Think back to the fights you used to have. What was she complaining about? Are there things you can do to meet the needs that she was constantly bringing up?
At this point, it is possible to bring her back to the marriage, but she has to see real engagement by you. And, you can’t delay. Sure, you are surprised and hurt, but if you see this as a wake up call rather than an attack, you may be able to save your marriage.
Later in this report, I will suggest that marriage counseling is not always the answer. But, I do recommend that if you have a Walk Away Wife on your hands, you might want to suggest counseling. This is not to say that the counseling itself will be particularly helpful, but your openness to change will be well received.
At that point, you need to start listening to what her needs are and meeting them. That means paying attention to her. It also means pursuing her with romantic abandon again. You may have to make modifications to your career and other aspects of your life to win her back. And, once you have won her back, you need to know that if you don’t continue to meet her needs, she can walk away again.
If you are a man in this situation, consider it a wake up call.
If You are a Walk Away Wife
If you have decided to divorce your husband, you have probably put a lot of thought into the decision. You have invested emotional energy in the separation. You probably decided that there was no hope a long time ago and have started building a separate life.
If your husband starts to treat the divorce as a wake up call to save the marriage, you have another decision to make. Namely, are you willing to try again?
Think about why you married your husband in the first place. Is there any residue of that left? Are there things you will miss about the relationship if you leave? If he changes some aspects of his behavior, would it make you want to stay?
Or, have you changed so much from the bride you were on your wedding day that moving forward without him seems to be the only course of action?
If he does take the divorce papers as a wake up call, what are the things he needs to say and do to make things right? Is he capable of long term change?
He may suggest marriage counseling. This is indicative that he is willing to put effort into the marriage which is a very good thing. But you should be aware that marriage counseling probably won’t always save the marriage. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t go along with it. It just means that you have to have a second course of action.
You need to state what you need in order to stay in the marriage and have a specific action-oriented agenda. It is probably more effective to say “you need to be home every night by 6:30 and take me out on a date once a week” than to say, “let’s spend an hour in counseling every week.”
Let him know that if you get back into the marriage, he’s on probation. You reserve the right to walk again if he goes back to his old ways.
Will he be able to keep up the good behavior? Only time will tell. But if he does see the divorce papers as a wake up call, you have a good reason to give the marriage one more shot.
Marriage Counseling - The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
When a marriage is in trouble, friends will almost immediately suggest that you get marriage counseling. I’ve hinted earlier that this might not always be such a good idea.
The history of marriage counseling is quite informative about why it is as ineffective as it is. In fact, only 20 percent of people who enter marriage counseling say it had a positive effect on their marriage.
Most counselors are trained therapists with a master’s or doctorate in psychology. But it wasn’t always like this.
In fact, up until the 1960s, psychologists considered it unethical to treat a married couple together. They thought that the fiduciary relationship between a therapist and a patient could only extend to one person.
Since therapists did not do marriage counseling, who did? Marriage counseling was largely the role of professional clergy with educators and gynecologists picking up some of the slack.
Until the late 1960s, the model for marriage counseling, whether in a pastoral sense or in therapy, was saving the marriage at almost any cost. To this end, many issues were either not addressed or pushed under the carpet. Women were largely held to be responsible for the problems in the relationship. Domestic violence was tolerated.
But, in the 1960s, two trends converged that have continued to affect the marriage therapy model today. The first was that therapists began to change their ethical code to allow couple’s therapy. The second was that therapy itself shifted to an individualist mode.
In the 1960s, a new breed of therapist developed. Until that time, psychologists and psychiatrists largely practiced the Freudian based analytical model of long term talk based therapy. This meant that only the very wealthy could afford therapy.
But when Cognitive Behavioral therapy started, patients could be treated in a much shorter period of time.
And, instead of requiring the years put into a doctorate degree, therapists could instead receive a Master’s if all they wanted to practice was marriage and family therapy.
In fact, this new breed of therapists were called “Marriage, Family, and Child Therapists” or “Marriage and Family Counselors” depending on the state. Initially, they were supposed to treat couples and families.
However, over time, the model shifted. A “Marriage and Family Counselor’s” practice consists of 95% individual and group mental illness therapy. They are trained to be individual therapists and get very little instruction in couple’s counseling despite their formal title.
Couple this with the trend toward the individual, mental health approach to therapy. Often, the marriage counselor’s first recommendation is that the parties get individual counseling and come back for marriage counseling only when their dysfunctions have been addressed by other therapists.
Additionally, these therapists, as a whole, do not believe that most marriages are automatically worth saving. They are more geared to maximizing the happiness of one patient rather than saving the family unit.
So, if you are committed to saving your marriage if at all possible, who do you go to for marriage counseling?
If you have friends who have had trouble in their marriage and have found a therapist who was truly helpful, ask for a referral.
If you don’t know anyone who has successfully tried marriage counseling and you want to give it a shot, don’t be afraid to interview several therapists to find a good fit. Ask them how frequently they do marriage (as opposed to individual or group) counseling, what their stand toward marriage is, and what their specific approach to saving marriage is.
You may be able to find a therapist who specializes in saving marriage rather than mental health therapy. Some of the professionals who specialize in this area do retreats, seminars, and “boot camps” that provide insight into your marriage as well.
Pastoral counseling is also worth considering if you are religious. Many clergy are committed to the idea of the sanctity of marriage and work from the premise that unless there are terrible things happening in the relationship (such as domestic violence, alcoholism, or serial adultery), the marriage can be saved.
How to Survive an Affair
Earlier in this report, I introduced you to Jim and Susan. Jim had an affair after Susan had a miscarriage. Is there any hope for a relationship when one party has had an affair?
Actually, there is, particularly if there was only one other man or woman and the offending party is committed to change. Relationships that feature serial adultery have a harder time surviving.
The initial reaction to a spouse having an affair is shock and blame. It is such a violation of the marital vows that one cannot help but being hurt and angry.
But, it is important to move beyond the initial reaction. This is true whether you are going to end the marriage or whether you are going to work on improving it.
You should know that things can improve. In fact, the affair may have been the symptom of much more fundamental problems in the relationship. This is not to say that the affair was a good thing by any means, but you can turn the hurt and pain into making a stronger marriage. A mended bone is stronger at the broken place.
If you are the person who was cheated on, you are going to want details. Part of this is a morbid curiosity. Another part is because you need to know “why.”
Sometimes the “why” isn’t always clear? If your spouse is something of an emotional cripple, he or she may not be able to articulate why they went astray.
Instead, you need to focus on what is lacking in your marriage and how you want to move forward.
You need to take responsibility for the negative things you have contributed to the relationship. This does not, however, mean that the affair was your fault. Nobody can force someone else into an affair. The person who cheated must take full responsibility for the violation of the relationship. They could have said no. They could have presented you with the need for you to change. Instead, they snuck out behind your back.
If the relationship is to be rebuilt, the offending spouse must have true regret and remorse. He or she has to completely cut the person with whom they had the affair out of their life. If this means making painful choices such as changing jobs or moving, this must be a prerequisite for going forward.
But, once the straying spouse has come to terms with the consequences of the affair, both spouses have to rebuild the marriage. One of the fundamental things that must be done is to rebuild the friendship that you share.
The key to healing is forgiveness. You have to stop blaming your spouse for having the affair and move on. You have to see tomorrow as a clean slate.
How to Know When To Leave a Marriage
Not all marriages can be saved. Specifically, if any of the three “A”s have occurred, you would probably be wise to leave the relationship. These are:
Abuse - Any physical violence and severe emotional abuse are grounds for divorce at all times.
Alcoholism - If your spouse is a chronic alcoholic, you are not going to be able to get the love and support you need. If he or she won’t get treatment, you have no obligation to stay.
Adultery (chronic) - You can recover from one affair. But, if your spouse is a player, you have every right to leave.
But, there are times when the problems in the marriage are not clear cut. You may believe that you would be better off single or with someone else but aren’t sure that you are right to end the marriage.
Consider whether you have a true partnership in your marriage. For instance, have you been required to put aside the goals you have set for yourself? Are you isolated from your friends and family? Are you limited in what you can do for entertainment because of the demands of your spouse?
Have you had to change your belief system? Do you have to constantly nag to get what you want and need? Do you make excuses for your spouse’s behavior? Do you feel that you have to walk on eggshells?
If you worry constantly over the problems in your relationship, you may be considering divorce.
These are real issues. And many partners are unwilling to address them.
If you are considering divorce but would rather have a change in behavior from your spouse, you can:
Do an intervention - Tell your spouse that you are going to leave unless. Be prepared to really leave if he or she won’t change.
Seek outside help - While I am leery of most individual-oriented therapists, I do know that outside help can save marriages. Suggest attending a marriage retreat or some other function where you can discuss your problems. They may have a different suggestion from the one you proposed, but if they are unwilling to work on the marriage at all, you must be prepared to leave.
Leave - This is what happens in walk away marriages, but you can also leave if you are not 100 percent committed to divorce. Physically separating yourself from your spouse puts them on notice that things have to change or the relationship is history.
Stay - If you are not prepared to walk away from the marriage, you have no power. As long as your partner doesn’t have to change and things will stay as they are, inertia will take over. You can’t force your partner to do anything including to meet your needs. You have power over only your own behavior. If you are not willing to change your situation, you should be prepared to accept it.
Conclusion
There is hope for a dying marriage. But, the solution is not the commonly given one (six sessions of couple’s counseling with a Marriage and Family Therapist). Instead, one person has to show the other one that change is necessary for the survival of the relationship.
At that point, both parties have to be willing to address the underlying issue that they are both responsible for problems in the relationship. Both parties have to be willing to change. Marital strife and dissatisfaction is NEVER the result of one spouse’s behavior alone.
If you are going to work things out, you need to realize that connection, not communication, is at the heart of saving the marriage. You can improve your communication skills and just end up a better fighter!
Instead, you need to rekindle what is good about your relationship. Most people end up at the altar because they wanted to build a life with the other person. You need to get back to the person you were on your wedding day.
That means that you must spend time together. You should plan on having some time every day that is just for the two of you. This could be having a 20 minute breakfast before the kids get up, taking a walk after dinner every day, or just putting aside the last 20 minutes before you go to sleep to reconnect.
Then, you have to put the romance into your life on a frequent basis. Schedule a “date night” every week. Try to woo your spouse all over again. Think dinner and dancing not dinner and a movie - the former will give you a chance to get in touch with your feelings while the latter has you sitting in silence.
When you “go out” on your “date,” get ready for it like you lived in separate houses. You can even go as far as getting dressed in separate rooms. And, you should make an effort when you dress, just like you did when you were dating.
Do the little “dating” things as well. Men should consider bringing their wives flowers from time to time, holding her car door, and act with general courtesy.
These date nights don’t have to be expensive, but they do have to allow the two of you to reconnect.
Finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t bring up the subject of sex. There is a reason why sex is tied in so closely with marriage in every society. You need to be having regular, frequent, satisfactory sex. If this element is missing from your relationship, make every effort to remedy the problem forthwith.
At its root, no marriage is perfect because no person is perfect. But marriage can be a good and satisfying institution for both spouses and for the children of the relationship. This requires work and love.
How Do You Mend A Broken Heart
1-Stages to mending a broken heart
2-What is Grief?
3-Three Pronged Emotions
4-How to Survive One Day at a Time
5-It is Okay to Mourn
6-Congratulate Yourself on Being Human
7-Surviving the Immediate Future
8-Can You Get Your Ex Back?
9-Can You Still Be Friends?
10-Conclusion
“And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend a broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.”
How do You Mend a Broken Heart
Stages to mending a broken heart
You didn’t fall in love overnight, and you definitely won’t fall out of love overnight. That is why we call the process of falling out of love “mending a broken heart.”
There are though several stages to mending a broken heart.
Stage 1: The Hurting Stage
First, there is the hurting stage. During this stage, the pain can feel so bad that you may want to die rather than experience it. People often try to drown their symptoms by drinking, taking drugs, or cutting themselves.
There are other, less severe symptoms as well. For instance, crying often accompanies the painful period after a break up.
Some people use this time to “stalk” their ex. Whether it is making midnight phone calls, millions of texts, or going over to their home to monitor their behavior, stalking is a way of keeping tabs on an ex.
Others lean on friends during this period. Good friends can give you the emotional support you need to move on.
During this initial period of hurting, it is important to develop strong coping skills. For instance, it is good to rekindle friendships that you didn’t have time for when the relationship was going strong.
Talking to other people about how they dealt with a break up is another excellent way to cope. Not only will you get survival strategies, it will confirm your belief that other people have gone through the same thing - and lived to tell the tale.
It is important at this stage of the game to think happy thoughts. Just remembering that there are pleasant things in the world will help you live through this tough stage in your life.
Finally, you should begin to focus on you. Breaking up means taking the “I” out of the “We.” So, now is a good time to begin looking at how you can meet your needs - especially the needs that were not met in the relationship itself.
Stage 2: Getting Even
The next stage of the break up is “getting even.” During this time, you want to repay your ex with all of the misery they doled out on you. Getting even is not a healthy phase of getting over a relationship, and you should do everything you can to minimize the time you spend in this place.
During this time, you may try to make your ex’s life a living hell. This can involve things like crank calling them dozens of times, sending them a computer virus, and threatening them. All of these are bad ideas. Not only can they get you in trouble within your own social group and potentially in trouble with the law, they also delay your own recovery.
Another way people try to get even after a break up is to enter into a rebound relationship. Some people try to replace their ex right away as a way of getting over the ex. These relationships almost always fail and a person is hurt a second time.
A more productive thing to do with your time is to finalize the end of the relationship. For instance, exchange all of the “things” that you have of the other’s. If there are “things” that you don’t necessarily need to exchange (i.e. his toothbrush), then throw them away. Get rid of any of the things that remind you of them.
And, as you reach the end of the “getting even” phase, you can begin to see the whole event as a learning experience. Maybe you have learned that there is a specific type of person that you want to avoid in the future. Maybe you have learned some things about yourself that will make you a better partner in the future.
Stage 3: Don’t Give a Damn
Eventually, you will reach the final stage which is not giving a damn. You will start to wonder what you saw in your ex in the first place. Perhaps you will always have a special place in your heart for your ex, but seeing them with someone else won’t be the end of the world. At this stage, it is possible to move back into a friendship relationship with your ex.
You will also be ready to move into a new relationship yourself. If you still have strong feelings (even negative ones) towards your ex, it’s a rebound relationship. But, if you don’t give a damn about them, you can develop strong positive feelings toward a new partner.
What is Grief?
The reason you feel so terrible after a break up is that you are going through a normal human emotional reaction known as grief. What is grief? Grief is the specific process of letting go of an attachment to a person.
When we think of grief, we usually associate it with the death of a loved one. But, sometimes, the grief is actually stronger with a break up. One woman’s first husband died suddenly. Some time later, she remarried and that relationship ended in divorce.
The woman related that the divorce was more emotionally devastating than the death of her husband. That’s because there was a normal mechanism for dealing with grief when someone dies, but when you break up with a person you loved, people tend to tell you to “get over it.” There’s no support for breaking up grief.
Whether the grief is over someone who died or over someone you lost through a break up, it goes through four stages.
4 Stages of Grief
Stage 1: Denial
The first stage of grief is denial. You may be saying to yourself “I can’t believe that he left me” or “I can’t believe that she likes him better.” These are normal reactions.
Stage 2: Anger
Next, you will move on to an acceptance of the situation that is infused with anger. You believe that the person has really broken your heart and you are angry with them for doing that.
Stage 3: Sadness
In time, you will be able to acknowledge your sadness without the strong emotional response of anger. During this time, you need to take care of yourself and your needs.
Stage 4: Acceptance
Finally, you will eventually be in a place where you can accept your loss. While you may still feel sad from time to time, you will move to a new place in your life where new relationships of all sorts begin to fill the void left when your ex dumped you.
You should know that there is not a linear progression of grief lessening. That means that some times you will feel grief more intensely than others and while it will gradually get better over time, there will be spikes of intense emotional pain. This is normal and if you are prepared for it, you will be able to handle it better.
The process of mourning is how we cope with grief. Mourning binds up the torn places where love was and gives you a chance to heal.
Three Pronged Emotions
There are three important parts of you that have to be addressed when you are getting over someone: the conscious mind, the unconscious mind, and the physical dimension.
You will probably be most aware of your conscious mind; after all, this is where you create meaning. This is the center of your thinking and awareness.
You have more control over your conscious mind than over the other two dimensions. When you have a negative thought, you can actively replace it with a positive thought. You can create a new positive reality if you really try.
That is not to say that it is easy to control your conscious mind. Only that it is possible.
The next level is your unconscious mind. This is the area of your brain that stores and runs the programs of automatic behavior. You don’t consciously think about breathing most of the time, your brain just runs the “breathe” program in the background while your conscious mind is dreaming of cupcakes (or revenge).
Your unconscious mind works by carrying out tasks without your deliberate intention. It does this through the mechanism of association.
That is why you will be calmly walking along a street and start crying for no apparent reason. Perhaps you see a discarded candy wrapper of your ex’s favorite candy. That makes an unconscious trigger to think about them. You may not have even processed the candy wrapper in your conscious mind, but your unconscious mind has started the grieve mechanism.
Dealing with the unconscious mind means reprogramming the circuits. For most people, this happens naturally over time. But, if you want to speed things along, you should try guided imagery, meditation, and prayer to reprogram your unconscious mind.
Finally, almost all intimate relationships have some level of physical contact, even if it is not a sexual relationship. You hold hands, kiss, and do other non-verbal affectionate communication.
If you had a sexual relationship, you will notice your ex’s absence even more as you are no longer having your sexual needs fulfilled.
How to Survive One Day at a Time
The most important day in surviving a break up is today. Get through today and tomorrow will be easier. Get through tomorrow and all of your tomorrows will be easier. The key is to survive one day at a time.
Although your relationship has ended, your life has not. In fact, you may have more time now to do the things you love.
There are several strategies you can employ to survive today.
One is to meditate. Another is to pray. In either case, you are using your mind to heal your heart.
Some people turn to food to help them get through the day. In moderation, this isn’t necessarily a bad idea.
Many people eat ice cream when they are depressed. This may be because of a chemical in the body known as ghrelin which increases your appetite when you are depressed. People are especially prone to eat ice cream when ghrelin is produced in the brain and stomach.
Others turn to chocolate. This may be because the chemicals in chocolate replicate the feeling in the brain of being in love. Chocolate’s key ingredient is phenylethylamine (PEA).
A non-calorie indulgence for people who are trying to heal a broken heart is herbal tea. Tea is soothing and warm. Herbal tea helps you to sleep, improves your immune system, and has a calming effect overall.
On the theme of indulgence, you might want to go out of your way to focus on you. Get a massage or a manicure. Treating your body to an indulgence may help you get over the physical nature of the relationship.
You should also look for a distraction. It’s a good time to read that thick novel that you have been saving for a rainy day. Getting into the plot of someone else’s life (even a fictional character) is good for getting over an ex.
Another distraction is to watch a movie. You don’t want to watch a romantic comedy or drama, but most other movies are good for the soul at this time.
Some people recommend watching a comedy which will encourage you to laugh again. Perhaps the sillier the movie, the better this strategy is.
Other people encourage you to watch a movie that will make you cry. Being prompted to cry at someone else’s sorrows may help you let out your own emotions for the first time. The tears could be cathartic.
A final distraction is shopping. For some people, the act of buying something new helps them get on with life. Remember that if you buy something on credit, you will be paying for it for a long time, so purchase responsibly.
It is Okay to Mourn
Grief requires mourning. Give yourself permission to get over the relationship. Call in sick to work if you need to.
Write a letter to your ex spilling out all of the hurt you have. It is okay for this letter to run pages and pages long. But don’t send it. Instead, when you have poured out your heart on paper, burn it. This will help you bring closure to the relationship.
You may also want to create a “divorce ceremony” to help you bring closure to the relationship. Just as the bride and groom take two separately lit candles and together light a unity candle to signify their new union at a wedding, you can create a divorce ceremony that signifies your new single state. Your ex may wish to join you in this ceremony or you can do it yourself.
Congratulate Yourself on Being Human
Part of being human is experiencing the hurts of everyday life. Life hurts - but there are great parts too. Acknowledging that there is both pain and joy in life will help you appreciate the human experience more.
You may want to develop a helpful mantra to help you get through this stage in your life. A mantra is a mind tool which is used like a barbell for the mind. You repeat a short phrase frequently to help you develop that mindset. You might say “I am a lovable person” to yourself with a great frequency - especially when you are feeling unlovable.
During this time, you should reach out to a close friend or family member for support. Your ex was a big part of your support system prior to the break up. Because they are no longer there, you need to strengthen the other facets of the support system you have in place.
You also need to remember what is good about you. Make a list of the things you offer a potential partner. If you are loving, giving, and an easy conversationalist, dwell on these things rather than the fact that your ex didn’t want you anymore.
Also, remember that it’s not always about you. Your ex had other things going on in their life that were independent of whatever you brought to the relationship. When they said “it’s not you, it’s me,” maybe it was.
Finally, honor how you are feeling. Don’t dismiss your emotions quickly just because they are uncomfortable. Part of being human is to have these hard emotions. They help you grow.
Surviving the Immediate Future!
Once you get past the initial shock of the break up, you will still have a period of mourning. During this time, you have to toughen up. While you may have been able to indulge your self for a short time, now it is time to adjust to the new reality.
Take good care of yourself. While having a pint of beer felt good right after the break up, developing good eating habits is important now. You should also be exercising regularly. The endorphins that your body produces when you exercise will help improve your mood.
Don’t be afraid to cry when the mood strikes you. You are going to have ups and downs. But, don’t give in to a chronic state of depression.
Forgive your ex. At some point, you will have to forgive your ex for breaking your heart. You will also have to forgive them for any actions they took during the relationship which hurt you. The longer you hold anger toward your ex, the longer it will be before you can exit the break up mentality.
You should also ask your ex for forgiveness for any of the hurt you caused in the relationship. This will allow you to cleanse.
Go out - even when you don’t feel like it. This can mean going out with your friends for social things. But it can also mean going out on dates with a new person. While you don’t want to enter into a hot and heavy rebound relationship, going out on dates will allow you to see yourself as an attractive catch. It will boost your self esteem at a time when you really need it. Go out on a date with someone you are not likely to fall in love with.
Socialize with your friends and reconnect with people who you have let go of. Many times, a relationship dominates our lives and our other friends get squeezed out without us even knowing it. Go through your address book or email list and find people you haven’t talked to in a few months. Set up a time to go out for coffee.
Take up a new hobby or interest. If you always wanted to try toll painting, take a class. If your ex was a couch potato but you like the great outdoors, join a hiking group. Not only will your new activity take up some of the time left vacant from the termination of the relationship, you will also have the chance to meet new people.
Think about getting out of town for a few days. The change in scenery could be good for your soul.
You can also get a new hairstyle or do a wardrobe makeover. You don’t have to consider your ex’s preferences any more. It may be a good time to reinvent yourself.
Remember that healing takes time. You are going to have good days and bad.
Figure out what you were supposed to have learned from the relationship and then apply that to your life in the future.
Finally, believe that your ex did you a favor in the long term when they called it off. Your true soul mate is still out there waiting for you.
In the long term, you will begin to compartmentalize the experience. Your ex will become just another boyfriend or girlfriend. That will be one part of your life, but you will have many other parts.
Can You Get Your Ex Back?
One of the big questions people have when they have been dumped is whether they can get their ex back. There are any number of tricks and techniques to use to ensnare your ex, but the question is whether you want to. Even if it hurts, is this a good time to let go and move on?
If you do decide you want your ex, there are three paths to take, only one of which is truly effective.
The one most people choose is to act needy. They write long letters to their ex pouring out their heart (and they actually send them rather than burn them which I suggested earlier.) They make midnight phone calls or send multiple text messages. They send friends as emissaries to “feel out” whether their ex would want them back.
This tends to be a turn off for many exes. They will feel hunted and go out of their way to shy away from you.
A second route is recommended by many of the “get your ex back” products and it involves playing games. Show up where they hang out and then talk to everyone but your ex. Flirt with your ex’s friends. Even date the best friend.
In the long run, these tricks cannot repair a broken relationship - even if they get your ex back short term.
If you really are determined to get your ex back, you need to take control of yourself. Become the person they fell in love with all over again. Do a makeover and take better care of yourself. It’s okay to start dating again because this will let them know that you are an attractive person to other people.
If you take control of yourself, there is some hope that they will fall in love with you again. You haven’t hounded your ex into coming back and you haven’t played any games. You’ve simply moved on with your life while being open to your ex maybe returning.
In this way, you can start to move on while leaving the door open which is probably the best way to leave things if you want to get your ex back.
Can You Still Be Friends?
One of the standard lines in a break up is “I just want to be friends.” Is it possible to just be friends with someone who you have previously had an intimate relationship with?
Although being friends after the split offers temporary relief, it may block the slow but necessary passage from loss to restoration of independence.
You need to give each other space to heal and to move on with life. If you see each other frequently, you may try to hold on to some thoughts of getting back together.
If you do want to be friends in the long run, give yourself some space in the short term. Take a 30 day “vacation” from each other. During this time, you should not have any contact with each other including phone calls, meetings, or emails. Go out of your way to not be present where the other one is.
If you do decide to remain friends after this 30 day period, the feeling must be mutual. If one person decides that they do not want to pursue a friendship, then it is not possible.
If you still want to be friends, there must be some ground rules. Understand the feelings each of you have for each other. You should also understand each of your motivations for wanting to stay in contact.
When you talk, ask neutral questions rather than emotionally laden ones. Avoid hurtful confrontations or questions.
You should also establish boundaries. For instance, how often do you want to see or call each other? What kinds of gifts are appropriate for the new friendship?
Conclusion
The best piece of advice I have for you is “this too shall pass.” No, it’s not easy. But, life isn’t easy. Instead, life is filled with sorrows and joys. Rejoice in the fact that you are human and that you will find your soul mate in the future.
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