"I am always attracted to the men that have commitment issues," said a recently dumped friend, valiantly trying to figure out what went wrong. "I think I'm just attracted to the type of man who isn't into a relationship. I get too emotionally attached but all they're really after is a quick shag and then they want to move on to their next conquest." But I wasn't so sure. The last three men she'd dated had all started out desperately wanting to shack up with her in connubial bliss. (After all, she is 6-foot with a hot Pilates bod and a tomboy streak that sends any man's pheromones spinning in a tizzy.) Yet after dating them for around three to four months, everything suddenly goes pear-shaped. All three have whipped out the age-old antiquated axiom: "I'm just not ready for a relationship."
While she's currently sitting at zero-for-three and mightily confused, it could be easy to conclude a pertinent message that has emerged: It's not them, it's her. Coming on too strong, perhaps? Too emotionally needy?
When I suggested to this little fact to her, she wasn't buying it ...
"Maybe it's because subconsciously I don't want to commit," she retorted. "I'm repeatedly asked out by the Mr. Nice but I'm just not interested. He doesn't give me that excitement I crave either."
There are many women around the world that are complaining of the same conundrum: They simply can't snag a boyfriend (let alone a husband) or even a relationship that lasts more than the four-month mark. So what is it about these women that makes an eligible man run a mile?
In trying to come up with a shortlist of things of things women shouldn't do to get a man to commit, I decided to consult a bunch of folks to determine where the women are going wrong ...
Women who are too needy
When women try desperately to get their man to commit, she tends to turn (in his eyes) into a bona fide bunny-boiling psychopath who is trying to cramp his style and close him in. A continuous stream of phone calls, barrage of text messages, invitations, outings with her folks (and temper tantrums if he wants to see his mates), is enough to make him all but run away to the desert to remain celibate for all eternity.
Women who pretend they never want to settle down
Modern women have been warned not to come on too strong but instead to revel in their singlehood, yet some have taken this go-girl feminist mantra a tad too far. Instead of being the doting girlfriend who continually hints at marriage and forces her boyfriend to go wedding ring shopping on a whim, this new type of gal pretends she doesn't want to commit and vehemently denies the fact she ever wants to walk down the aisle or have babies anytime soon. But alas, the bloke she has snogged is wondering if there is ever a future with this lass and hence the tables are turned. Before you can shout "career woman", he's off trying to find himself someone else upon whom his cluckiness won't be wasted on.
Women who try to change their man
There is nothing that scares a bloke away more, (aside from Celine Dion concert tickets), than a woman who wants to change him. When his sense of style, the way he refuses to put product in his hair, or the amount of time he spends with his mates is judged, criticised and disparaged, you can be guaranteed he'll instantly transform into a commitment-phobe - from her.
The "Be Like Me" woman
Some women believe that once they're in a relationship, their man must become just like them. So she attempts to turn him into a Pilates-going, vegan-eating, chick-flick loving gent who isn't allowed to drink beer, play footy with his mates or - gasp - watch porn. Enough said...